Who is raising America's children? Mentor warns kids are seeking role models online as communities fade
As Father's Day approaches and Americans reflect on the role that fathers play in children's lives, some are warning that a decline in community involvement is leaving young people vulnerable to bad influences. As traditional networks of mentors fade, many children are turning to social media for guidance.
King Randall, founder of the mentorship organization The X for Boys and The X for Boys Life Preparatory School in Albany, Ga., believes the problem extends beyond fatherlessness, and lies in the movement away from community. The father and professional mentor, who teaches children through real-world lessons and life skills training, argues that by pulling away from a "village" mentality, social media and technology have been left to fill the void created by absent role models.
"I believe in the village concept when it comes to fatherhood. I wasn't raised solely by my father or stepfather or my uncle or grandfathers – they all had a collective part in helping to raise me. I believe nowadays we've gotten to a point where we feel as if only I know what's best for my child, when I believe that multiple people should be having an effect on your child," Randall told Fox News Digital.
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He argued that "egos" can often get in the way of children learning skills, with parents not wanting to admit that they don't know how to do something, leaving their son or daughter without crucial life lessons. This is something that he practices with his own children. Randall told Fox News Digital that he strives to have different kinds of men who can impart wisdom to his children, similar to the way he was raised.
Without these in-person role models and with busy parents, children and teens are turning to social media for guidance, according to Randall. He said that parents have started using phones, tablets and other devices as "pacifiers" and are ultimately "losing their child" by letting technology raise their kids.
"I don't think necessarily that they are searching for them, but they are finding them," he said. "Every young man wants to be told, 'I'm proud of you,' whether that be for something bad or something good."
Randall argued that social media personalities, gangs, rappers and other negative influences have found ways to exploit children's desire for validation by seeming to offer them a sense of belonging. He said that kids are often getting messages online that their parents aren't cool or that they're depressed and living bad lives, even when that's not necessarily their reality.
Randall believes that confidence comes from experience, not lectures. Rather than teaching life skills in a classroom, Randall's mentorship program takes place in the real world. He brings boys to grocery stores, restaurants, doctors' offices and even the dump to teach them how to interact with the world around them. His own children often participate in the program, which he says not only gives them the opportunity to learn the same lessons, but to see him teaching others.
"In order to be a man, you have to see a man," he said. "I mean, that's very important when it comes to boys. A mom could definitely tell and try and show the young man all the right things to do, but certain mannerisms, certain conversations to have, et cetera, they learn all these things innately by just being around men."
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The X for Boys founder maintains that some lessons need to be taught by example and that boys often learn from seeing the men around them do simple tasks, which is why he puts an emphasis on real-world scenarios. Randall told Fox News Digital that the lessons aren't really about grocery shopping or asking a waiter for the right order – they're about getting boys to pay attention more often. Beyond the life skills he's teaching, Randall also aims to build boys' confidence.
"I can't tell a young boy, 'just be confident' and, you know, 'stand up straight' and all these things. No, I have to put him in those situations where he has to be confident in order for it to work," he said.
"Routines build character and habits build character, and routine, habits and character, they all make the man," he added.
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While much of Randall's work has been focused on boys, he recently held his first-ever girls camp. He taught the girls practical life skills, such as checking their tires, using a fire extinguisher and turning off a home's main water shutoff valve.
"Your dad is the one who teaches you how to not let a mechanic get over on you at the auto repair shop or how to check your tires," he said. "We have so many college girls whose cars' engines go out or they're always with a flat tire or, you know, the check engine lights are always on because they don't know to go get your car checked, go pay attention to your tire pressure, pay attention what kind of oil you need, pay attention to your brakes, pay attention on your tire tread. Those are things I was able to teach the girls this past week they had no clue about."
For Randall, the lessons that he has taught boys and girls in his program reflect his broader belief in communities playing larger roles in children's development.
Ahead of Father's Day, Randall told Fox News Digital that men should look beyond their own households and seek to impact kids in their communities. He explained that, in his view, fathers benefit from mentoring other children because it mitigates the risk of one's own kids coming into contact with bad influences. Randall encourages fathers to volunteer, coach a team or look for opportunities to mentor children in the community.
"You should be responsible for some children that are not yours," he said, and later added, "We have so many children that your kids will come into contact with, and it would behoove us as fathers to make sure we're affecting those children as well."