Bin the tan brogues and load the Pimm's: Henry Conway’s guide to surviving the summer social battlefield

Rivals has been a wonderful microcosmic example of social traps and oubliettes. Trust Dame Jilly to gift the us the perfect vehicle for delving into the great British pastime of passive-aggressive snobbery. That middle-class sniggering at “people who get it wrong” being just as ghastly as the perma-tanned Loadsamoney couple they laugh at. Curtain twitchers permeate every summer social situation, so your choice is to enter either as a fever dream of social nervousness, or with the bombast of immovably knowing that you belong. Take a big scoop of 1980s bravado when dressing for events this year — though the Standard has asked me to give you a little guidance, dear reader, on some things to swerve.