Daniel Jones, girlfriend Nicole Elattrache are the newest NFL power couple, pitcher pukes, plus a Ueck mural
The sun is out, the weather guys say an Omega block trough has set up shop over where I live in NW Ohio and Thursday Screencaps is off and running with news that Colts quarterback Daniel Jones has himself a girlfriend and she's not the shy type.
News broke Wednesday night that "Danny Dimes" is dating former Duke volleyball player Nicole ElAttrache. If that last name rings a bell, it's because her father is Dr. Neal ElAttrache, the team physician for the Rams and Dodgers. He's also the doctor who repaired Aaron Rodgers' Achilles in 2023.
Online, Jones is being hailed as a "genius" for not only finding love, but for also elbowing his way into having a personal surgeon, if needed*. Is Dr. Neal going to pass up working on Nicole's boyfriend to get Geno Smith, or some other QB of that caliber, back on the field? No chance. Imagine Thanksgiving at the ElAttrache house if Dimes is sitting there in shambles while Geno is just out of surgery.
Things are so serious between the NFL's newest power couple –– Jones signed a two-year, $88 million contract this offseason that guarantees him $60 million and possibly up to $100M –– that Nicole even dropped a public "I love you" on Instagram to celebrate "Danny Dimes'" 29th birthday on Wednesday.
Folks, we have ourselves a new NFL power couple.
Moving along...this message goes out to the Millennials who have a Costco Executive membership and are about to get sucked into the Olipop world. DON'T DO IT. The cans are going to claim to taste like root beer and other flavors that sound amazing. Your brain will start to think these would make for great patio drinks this summer.
"Absolutely horrible," Mrs. Screencaps told me this morning. "It was sadness in a can."
NEW YORK MAGAZINE WRITER WANTS TO BRING BACK SMOKING FOR VERY NIHILISTIC REASONS
She's not lying. Honestly, I have no idea how Olipop is in business. There isn't a single person on this planet who, with a straight face, can tell me that crap is enjoyable.
READ Sara's email here: Paige Spiranac dials in her golf game with a mesmerizing speed iron drill, buy Rousey's UFC gear & MEAT!
– Brad S. says: Sara 'stick-up-her-butt' sounds like the typical purple-haired liberal woman. She probably found 'Caps doing oppo research on the FoxNews website for Mother Jones or some Chi-Com NGO she works for.Ignore the haters, especially Sara 'SUHB'! You know you're over the target when you're getting the most flak.Keep the pedal to the metal and keep"America's best daily column" cruising at warp speed!
– Pete in Golden, Colorado writes: Clearly, Sara doesn't understand the wide-ranging influence of Screencaps. On a personal level...
1) I am just an average guy from Wisconsin who happens to currently live in Colorado...Screencaps is entertaining and informative, and an essential part of my morning ritual. There is no other daily website that I follow as closely as Screencaps. I don't miss a single day!
2) I am constantly amazed that you not only read the emails that I send to you, but that many of them get published. Your connection to your readers is unmatched because you are responsive, credible, and relatable. In a world where a person can't reach customer service for any issue with any company, Screencaps is a lone bright spot. I am deeply impressed that a site as expansive as Outkick/Screencaps/Fox News has a personal connection with its readers and even publishes things that I send in. And like the outlaw News Carver of Butch Casidy/Sundance Kid (The Wild Bunch) fame, I love to see my name in the newspapers!
3) A real sign of your influence is that I don't even have a lawn and I still mow (re: hack down the weeds) on Thursdays. The soil here is too poor, the elevation is too high, the climate is too arid, and there is not enough natural rain to grow a lawn suitable for a Thursday Night Mowing League call-out. Nevertheless, I keep a suitable fire break around the house so I need to mow some grass but mostly weeds and it makes perfect sense to do it on Thursdays.
I must agree...Sara is "clueless to the powers of Screencaps" and clearly doesn't understand the Screencaps audience or purpose.
Keep up the great work and I look forward to seeing Screencaps on the iPad tomorrow morning.
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– Rob in Florida defends my honor: A quick shout out to Sara, glad to see she has found the column.
Years ago my friends and I started a cigar club. We would meet on Thursday nights ( we wouldn’t mow, but we would mow down some great cigars) and sit around a pool and discuss life. The conversations generally stuck to three things, women, sports and cars. We only had a couple of rules.
This is where I get to Sara.
Sara, you, and women like you, are the reason that we did not allow women at our meetings. You, and women like you, ruin everything, you just do. Joe has many female readers of this column, I’m not sure if any of them have written in to voice their displeasure about the content, maybe they have, I just don’t remember. Congrats, you may be the official first, a badge of honor in your circle I’m sure. Here is a suggestion, don’t click on the link. See, wasn’t that easy? But here’s the thing, you won’t take that advice, you’ll continue to click on the link, continue to complain and continue to be offended. You’ll continue to e-mail your displeasure about the content, you’ll continue to go out of your way to be offended. You know what? I’m here for it, please, keep clicking and being offended, I insist.
Sara, you didn’t graduate from Notre Dame did you? Because, if you did, I have some thoughts……
– Dan from AZ gets it: Haven’t written in a while. I got quite a good laugh reading that email that new reader Sara sent you. "Not a REAL journalist" hahaha. That’s gotta be the best compliment you’ve received all year right?!? You must be rolling at some of the emails you’ve been getting since the merger. Lot of confused people out there who haven’t been exposed to our wonderful little part of the internet that YOU created. Keep doing what you're doing (obviously you will) and tell the haters to pound sand or go read MSNBC if they want to torture themselves.
Quick report from the Valley of the Sun. The side-by-side has been parked in the garage for summer after getting some good rides in during the beautiful spring months. Below are a couple pics, including an old timey western ghost town that we rode to for lunch. Place was straight out of a John Wayne movie, minus all the people taking selfies with their phones. Now it’s full on pool season with temps in the 90s here. Time to enjoy those pool days in the backyard.
Thanks as always for brightening our day Joe.
– Harvey D. in the 419 says: I bet Sara has a cat or 10.
– Jim T. in San Diego has my back: Sara reminds me of the retired high school English teachers who would mail me copies of the opinion page I was editor of, with typos and punctuation errors all marked up in red ink like I was in their class. One of these teachers actually submitted a commentary for consideration at one point, and It was so horribly written I was tempted to mark IT up and mail it back - but my managing editor took it away from me, wisely not trusting me.
What Sara misses is that you're a COLUMNIST. A cross between a humor columnist and a three-dot columnist. SC is a hybrid, like if Dave Barry and Mike Royko had a baby. Or, because you're from Dayton, D.L. Stewart and Bob Batz. (For your non-J School readers, a "three-dot" column is a column that covers a handful of different topics, with only a paragraph or two devoted to each item, with the items separated by an ellipses - ". . ." Herb Caen from San Francisco and Mike Royko from Chicago were two of the best known, along with Meyer Berger from New York. Max Miller in San Diego was one of the first, and a collection of his columns he published in book form - "I Cover the Waterfront" - was even turned into a decent flick, so Hollywood may yet be in your future, Joe!)
Even the legendary sports columnists wrote about themselves all the time! Each summer, the great Red Smith from New York went on an extended fishing trip with Si Burick from the Dayton Daily News and Jack Murphy of the San Diego Union. Upon their return, each of them wrote a column or two about the trip - about themselves! That was a tradition the late Bryce Miller, whom we lost far too young last year, continued at the San Diego Union-Tribune, writing about his annual fishing trip with his buddies. As for the great humor columnists - Erma Bombeck from our hometown of Dayton - Lewis Grizzard, Dave Barry, etc., - ALL wrote / write about themselves! It's WHY they - and ScreenCaps - were/are so populars: They touched a chord in readers' own lives. Most of us in SC Nation have coached our kids, have helped a spouse tackle the yard and garden, have had road trips with our kids or parents.
Don't you dare change a thing about ScreenCaps!
– Guy G. in western NY, who has been with me for years, emails: Sara is the worst. Same with a lot of the comments now available. You people know that you don’t have to click the article, right?! Much like how to avoid being ‘cyber bullied’…log off once in a while.She probably makes her husband mow on Saturdays, right when the neighbors fire up the grill.
– Kevin in Toboso has my back: Joe here is why I love this column and sarah doesn't get it. I asked two years ago for some help with boat flooring. Screencap readers delivered and I am now on the water catching fish. I probably will never meet any of the folks who told me to call them and gave me good ideas and advice. That's what makes it a great community.
Sarah will never understand and probably still loves Bud Light.
– Cocks fan Mark W. in Tennessee suggests: Nashville got a Super Bowl for 2030. If you are doing any coverage, know that you will always have a place to stay. We are outside of Nashville (about 35 miles west), so there is a commute. But we will feed you well and have some good local adult beverages.
Kinsey: We've all seen Mark's new grass at his new house. It's a massive spread with plenty of room to land a helicopter. Now, which one of you owns a helicopter with service into downtown Nashville?
Guys, I need you to stop falling for these headlines. The classic locations have been around for years. Classic locations aren't new. It's just that Pizza Hut headquarters stopped any promotion of Classics until the Internet deemed them cool and showed a serious interest in visiting these existing locations.
What is new is that Pizza Hut's Yum Brand executives finally figured out that these locations are worth marketing and that there is a deep desire for society to feel a connection to experiences that are dying out. If McDonald's brought back Playlands, you'd have grown Disney dork couples flocking to Playland locations.
That's why I have BEGGED Wendy's to bring back ONE Superbar location and place it in Tipp City, Ohio. On the west side of I-75. That would be about seven miles from the Crossroads of America where I-70 and I-75 meet.
But, Wendy's has chosen its path and it's sad.
BACKSEAT GRILLMEISTERS ARE THE ABSOLUTE WORST AND OTHER PETTY COMPLAINTS ABOUT BBQING
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That is it this morning on a massive edition. We're talking nearly 2,300 words as you guys unloaded on Sara. Don't forget, it's the last Thursday of May. It's TNML time. Get it in. End the month on a high note and get the spread dialed in for the weekend.
I'm off to a Zoom meeting.