I read my boyfriend's ChatGPT and it ended our relationship

• Lindsey Hall read her boyfriend's ChatGPT history, which expressed doubts about their relationship.
• She said she couldn't get over reading his unfiltered thoughts about her.
• Her essay about it got backlash online and sparked debate about using AI as an emotional outlet.

This is an as-told-to essay based on a conversation with Lindsey Hall, a writer and public relations consultant who wrote a viral Substack essay about breaking up with her partner after reading his ChatGPT history. This story had been edited for length and clarity.

I was working late at my boyfriend's house when I grabbed his laptop to use ChatGPT to finish up an email. When I opened it, I looked to the left at the past chats and saw one that said "Relationship issues and uncertainty."

That is verbatim what I saw. So I clicked on it. He was literally dead asleep on my shoulder while I was scrolling through it.

I knew he hated that I had three cats, so I thought that was the reigning conflict of our relationship. I also knew he didn't like some of my past — that I lived in a van, was a nomad, and had a bit of the crunchy, granola lifestyle — but I wasn't aware of the depths to which he didn't like it.

The chat was more negative and judgmental, even a character assassination to some degree, than what I had expected. I really hadn't expected it to be about my physical attraction. That blindsided me. Ultimately, the words I could never really get past that he had written were "I'm just not proud of her… I'm just not proud of her."

ChatGPT essentially responded by saying he should consider ending it. And I don't blame ChatGPT for saying that.

The chat started with "Should I be in love after three and a half months?" And we had been dating about five months when I read it. It's so adrenaline-rushing and so traumatic to see that unfiltered view of yourself through the eyes of someone you think cares about you.

My fight-or-flight response is usually flight, so I left while he was still asleep. He ended up on my doorstep at two in the morning, being like, "What is going on?" I told him, and he knew exactly what I was talking about. He was super apologetic and felt horrible. He said he didn't mean all of it and was only ruminating.

We stayed together another two or three months. I really wanted to get over it, and I tried. I really did. But everything changed after that.

I'm wary of using AI as an emotional outlet

I'm not 100% against AI. I just think using it for work is different than flooding it with your emotional needs.

I knew from the beginning of our relationship that he was already using ChatGPT to some degree, because I could tell some of his texts to me were generated by it. I asked him what made him want to be with me, and the response was so cold, so formal, so ChatGPT.

I just remember being so turned off by that. I figured "to each their own," but it didn't feel genuine. My feeling was, "You couldn't think of five genuine things to say to me?" You're outsourcing thinking emotionally to an LLM, in my opinion.

I had never thought to use AI in that way. I have a therapist and friends I can talk to. After reading his chat, I went through a weird one to two-week period where I started using AI to try to make sense of my feelings about the whole situation.

Then I went back to my journals. I don't trust robots, so I don't trust what an LLM is telling me, so it kind of scared me a little bit. And I really didn't want to become dependent on it.

I worry that chatbots will keep feeding you what you want to hear. I feel like that's what happened with my ex. He was feeding it all this negative stuff about me, none of it was positive, so of course, the conclusion was going to be "you should leave her." And I feel like that's ultimately what he wanted to hear.

I don't think he knew what he felt, and he was unfortunately going to ChatGPT trying to figure it out.

I don't think that he's a terrible person for having thought these things. It's just that I saw them.

I don't regret reading it despite the backlash I got

I had no idea my Substack post about it would trigger so much commentary. I've gotten so much criticism from the manosphere for invading his privacy, which is fine. Yes, I did. I admit that. A lot of women, on the other hand, have said, "This isn't a guy who's questioning how much he loves you. This is a guy who barely tolerates you."

It's also predominantly women who are the ones saying, "It's pathetic to use AI for this kind of stuff. Why can't men just figure it out?" While men have responded, "Because we don't have anyone to talk to." It seems men are increasingly using ChatGPT as an emotional outlet.

I understood some points for advocating the use of AI like this. Therapy in this country is expensive, and not everyone can afford it. Who's to say that you have a good therapist? But if you use AI like this, I think you have to use it with discernment.

I don't necessarily regret reading my ex's chat, because I don't think we ultimately would've lasted anyway. I think I would've stayed far longer than either of us should have, and we would've broken up eventually, and I would've ended up back at square one.

I hope it doesn't happen to many people, but I'm sure it's happening more and more.

Do you have a story to share about how AI is affecting your relationship, or how you or your partner are using AI chatbots? Contact this reporter at kvlamis@businessinsider.com.