4 things that got me through the death of my son
When our son Christopher was killed in an automobile accident, our world was changed. When I heard the news, I felt as though all the air was sucked out of the room. It was devastating. But four things got me through it – and still get me through it.
The first thing was the Word of God. The Bible is God's Word to you. Everything you need to know about God is in this book. Everything you need to know about life is in this book. This book is breathed by God himself. It is not just a matter of owning a Bible. And it is not a matter of marking a Bible; it's a matter of your Bible marking you.
What helped me, and still helps me, is going to the Word of God. It is not going to my emotions or popular opinion. Rather, it's going to the Word of God and seeing what it has to say to me.
The second thing was prayer. It was praying about my burdens, anxieties and fears that would keep me up at night. The apostle Paul wrote, "Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:6–7 nlt).
We need to commit things to the Lord again and again.
The third thing was the church. The first thing I did after Christopher died was go to church. I found encouragement from other Christian brothers and sisters. It's good to be part of the church, where you hear God's Word and worship the Lord. But when you're in a smaller group, you can find the help you need and reach out to one another.
The fourth thing was worship. Worship is so important. When Job's world came crashing down on him, when he lost his family, his health, and his possessions, the Bible says that he fell down before God and worshiped, saying, "I came naked from my mother's womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!" (Job 1:21 nlt).
We don't worship because we feel like it. I can think of many times when I was down, but then I began to worship, and everything changed. My problems didn't go away, and maybe the thing that got me down was still there, but I had a new perspective.
I saw it differently. That's why when we come together and worship as a body of believers, it really makes all the difference.
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What do we do during times of hardship and tragedy? We cry out to God. Jesus wept, and we can weep. The Bible tells us to cry out to God in times of crisis. When the Israelites criticized and turned against Moses, Exodus 15:25 says that "Moses cried out to the Lord for help" (nlt).
When Hezekiah received a threatening letter, Isaiah 37:14 says that he spread it out before the Lord. When John the Baptist was beheaded, his disciples went and told Jesus (see Matthew 14:12). That's what we need to do. We need to go and tell Jesus.
That is what Mary and Martha did when their brother, Lazarus, was sick. Mary, Martha and Lazarus lived in Bethany near Jerusalem. Often Jesus would visit them on his way into the great city and spend time with them. And Martha always whipped up a great meal.
So when Lazarus grew sick, they thought Jesus would take care of it. They sent word to Jesus, saying, "Lord, your dear friend is very sick" (John 11:3 nlt). But Jesus did not rush back as they expected. In fact, by the time he arrived in Bethany, Lazarus had died.
Martha went to meet him and said, "Lord, if only you had been here, my brother would not have died." In other words, "Jesus, why didn't you do something?" Sometimes we say that too. And that is when we need to cry out to God.
British preacher Charles Haddon Spurgeon dealt with severe depression. It was so powerful that he was not be able to preach for months. He described it as "the mist." Spurgeon knew a lot about dealing with depression. Some might even say that he was clinically depressed.
But here's what Spurgeon had to say about Jesus weeping: "'Jesus wept,' because he was truly man: secondly, 'Jesus wept,' for he was not ashamed of his human weakness, but allowed himself to reveal the fact that he was, in this point also, made like unto his brethren. Thirdly, 'Jesus wept,' and therein he is our instructor."
We have our tears, and we're going to have tears in life. But we must remember that God is with you in your hour of trial. Psalm 34:18 says, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed" (NLT).
In the Old Testament book of Ezekiel, God said, "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh" (Ezekiel 36:26).
I had a crazy childhood, and something in me simply said, "I'm done with this." My mother kept marrying and divorcing, marrying and divorcing – a total of seven times. I think it was around the third husband when I said, "OK, I'm good. I'm done with this."
I was tired of calling strange men "dad." Through the alcoholism and the screaming and the fighting and the hitting and all the other things that happened in the home in which I was raised, my heart became hard. My heart became calloused.
But here's the reality: When Christ comes into your life, your heart becomes more of a heart, and it goes out to those who are hurting or are abused or are suffering. Your heart becomes more touchable.
It's been said, if you preach to hurting people, you'll never lack for an audience. One day, God will right every wrong. He's going to bring beauty out of ashes and give joy instead of mourning. And until that day, we need to lovingly represent him to those who are hurting.
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