After more than 15 years together, I’ve discovered my husband is serial cheat – and got STI to prove it
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER more than 15 years together, I’ve discovered my husband is a serial cheat – and got an STI to prove it.
At first, I didn’t think it could get worse, but then I found out about his secret daughter too.
Now I’m at a loss of what to do and my heart is shattered.
I’m 40, he’s 43 and we have two children together.
A few months ago I started experiencing a burning sensation and pain every time I went to the toilet.
Initially, I thought nothing of it and assumed I had a UTI. However, to my horror, my doctor told me that I had contracted chlamydia.
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Knowing that I hadn’t slept with anyone but my husband I knew what that meant.
When I confronted him he tried to deny it but then eventually admitted to a one-night stand when he saw my results.
I tried to forgive him, but knew something wasn’t right so I searched through his phone. My heart fell out of my chest when I discovered that he had been sleeping with four different women.
I scrolled through hundreds of messages until I stumbled across photos of a baby girl that one of the women had sent. I was so distraught I became hysterical. I confronted him immediately and he admitted everything, saying he’d been a fool and begged for my forgiveness.
One affair I could forgive, but four and a secret child?
How could he do this to me?
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DEIDRE SAYS: You have a lot to process. Your husband has cheated several times, has had unprotected sex risking your health and if this child is his, has a new commitment which is entirely external to your marriage.
Please only decide to stay if your husband is genuinely apologetic for his behaviour and committed to turning things around.
You will both need to be prepared to discuss where everything went wrong and don’t be tempted to dismiss your issues – they would only become more problematic. Only you can decide if you want to repair your relationship or need a clean break.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help you think it all through. Either together, or alone, some counselling would help you decide on your next chapter.
Find support through tavistockrelationships.org (020 7380 1960).