Mum bans grandparents and in-laws from changing son’s nappies to protect his ‘privacy’
A worried mother has banned her grandparents from changing her six-month-old son’s nappy as consent and privacy are important to her.
On the internet forum Mumsnet, parents and guardians debated whether only they should be able to change their child’s nappies.
Speaking on the ‘Am I being unreasonable?’ board, one mum said she only lets herself and her partner change his nappy.
For the mum, who goes by user Mum070322, it’s important as a parent to ‘set standards early’ when it comes to consent and she wants nappy-changing to be a ‘positive experience’.
She wrote: ‘I’m very keen on consent and protecting my baby’s privacy and prefer that only myself and my partner are the ones to change DS nappy (six months).
‘Obviously, I understand if we’re not available due to nursery eventually or if someone else is babysitting then I’m happy for someone else to do it however this has not yet been the case.’
The mother described how her ‘overbearing mother-in-law’ tried to change her son’s nappy when he was four months.
‘My baby started crying and rather than just give him back decided to take it upon herself to change him (I was standing right there) he continued crying throughout the change and she gave him back straight after but it annoyed me as it wasn’t her place to change him,’ she wrote.
‘I didn’t say anything at the time DS was four months and I was trying to be nice and friendly but starting to find her more overbearing and I’m getting close to drawing a line.’
The mum said that she knows her little one isn’t at risk when other family members change his nappy.
‘But at the same time my own mum wouldn’t change a nappy unless I wasn’t there and would otherwise ask if I want her to change the baby,’ she said.
The mum added: ‘It’s not about the baby giving consent it’s about setting standards early the same way I expect grandparents to ask my baby for a cuddle not just go to grab him even while young babies have a preference for who’s holding them and I only let people hold my baby when he wants to go to them.
‘My baby also doesn’t enjoy nappy changes and I try to make them positive.’
Parents and guardians weren’t too sure what to think of the mum’s nappy policy.
‘If you hadn’t told her before about your (very unusual) rule about who can change your baby and when, then you are being unreasonable,’ one said.
‘Babies are helpless and there is a difference between practical essential touch like dressing and nappy changing, and emotional essential touch like cuddling, etc.’
While a second user simply asked: ‘Is this even real?
‘She was doing something nice for her grandchild who needed a nappy change and to help you.
‘This is not an overbearing (mother-in-law) issue, there is either something else going on under the surface or you have some broader issues which you need to sort out.’
Though, another parent with the username Jenbyfish said there are certain aspects of raising a child that should be ‘parent-led’.
‘If you’re not comfortable with it, regardless of the underlying reasons, you’re the parent and should have final say, as with any other aspect of parenting,’ they said.
Another added: ‘I think it was cheeky of her to go ahead and change the nappy while you were right there without so much as asking first.
‘People (especially mothers-in-law) are territorial about babies and it’s fine for you to draw boundaries.
‘You don’t have to accept any behaviour that makes you feel uncomfortable, no matter how much people try to pressure you.’
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