Texas learns the hard way not to mock Florida high school football, Lindsey Vonn stuns & USC's poor showing!

'Nightcaps' is a daily column that catches you up on the biggest sports, news and culture stories you may have missed while pretending to do work at your desk. It runs Monday–Friday on OutKick.com.

Final day of August, folks. This is it. At 12:01, we officially begin the 'Ber months — otherwise known as the greatest stretch on the sports calendar.

Forget sports ... it's the greatest stretch on the calendar, period.

September. October. November. December. Four of the best months of the year, staring us right in our fat faces. How lucky are we?

We got our college football appetizer on Saturday, and it starts in full this week. We get NFL next Wednesday (!!!). We have a three-day weekend coming up. Fantasy football drafts are in full swing. The WNBA is taking the next three weeks off.

Again, who has it better than us? Labor Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Unreal stretch coming up. Strap in and hold on tight. We're in for a wild little ride.

Welcome to a Monday Nightcaps — the one where a Texas high school football team learns the hard way not to disrespect the great state of Florida. This was never, ever going to end well.

What else? I've got Lindsey Vonn smashing tennis balls and dominating in a green dress, my Red Sox got embarrassed over the weekend, and let's talk about that USC crowd from Saturday afternoon. It was pathetic, and for those screaming about it being a blowout Week 0 game, I've got some highlights out of South Dakota to show you.

Give me a break.

Grab you something tall and strong — but please don't make it a hurricane (we're entering PEAK time down here) — and settle in for a final-Monday-of-August 'Cap!

Obviously, the end of August and beginning of the 'Ber months hit just a bit different down here in Florida.

Case in point: We're currently spending the week monitoring 'Dolly,' which is, unfortunately, the next named storm on the list. Looks like we're just gonna get some possible rain remnants from her later this week, which is fine. Not the best, given it's rained all summer where I am, but better than the alternative.

But it is a reminder that this is the time of year where the H-words really get active. This is a 'hold-your-breath' month for Floridians. Let's keep our heads down and eyes on the prize, folks. Let's GRIND.

OK, let's get this class going by staying this great state and checking out last Friday's big national game between DeSoto (Texas) and St. Thomas Aquinas down in Fort Lauderdale:

Hilarious. St. Thomas, by the way, has won seven straight state championships. They've been a Florida powerhouse since I was in school, and that was a long time ago.

USC FOOTBALL RIPPED FOR PATHETIC CROWD AT HOME OPENER: 'ABSOLUTELY EMBARRASSING'

There's always been this debate surrounding high school football ... which state produces the best talent? It's either Florida, Georgia, Texas or California. Those are the Big Four. I'd throw in Tennessee as well.

Obviously, I'm biased. Duh. I live and breathe Florida. We have the greatest governor in the world, had no clue COVID was happening, and have so much leftover money in the budget we're about to nix property taxes (kinda). I played high school football down here. I covered it for years.

I don't think it's particularly close.

Don't poke the bear like that, DeSoto! Dumb decision. They went down, 38-0, in the first half and the second half took 15 minutes because there was a running clock.

It Just Means More down here!

You know where it doesn't mean more ... or, frankly, anything?

Southern California:

Goodness gracious. I know it was San Jose State, but come on. That's just pathetic.

It was so bad, by the way, that USC felt the need to issue a STATEMENT on the attendance:

"We understand the factors that impacted Saturday’s attendance," USC said, via USA Today. "We have high expectations and a premier home schedule this season, and we know the competitive advantage an electric Coliseum atmosphere can provide our program. We thank our fans who showed up Saturday and look forward to seeing increased attendance the rest of the season."

Factors? What factors? The heat? It was 92 degrees. Give me a break.

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And no, I don't want to hear the "it was San Jose State!" argument. That's so weak. Guess who South Dakota State played on Saturday?

The Stetson Hatters — otherwise known as, quite possibly, the worst team in all of college football. I know this, because I spent many years in DeLand. The Jackrabbits, a nationally ranked FCS team, were a 49.5 point favorite. I know this, because I hammered that and it was the easiest win I've ever had.

They won 70-7.

LOOK at this crowd for that game Saturday night:

Spare me, USC. Don't bulls–t a bullsh–tter.

OK, let's rapid-fire this Monday class into a big Monday night. First up? My Red Sox got embarrassed in New York this weekend, losing a winnable series, 3-1, because they chose to basically punt in two of the games. It was a disgrace, and the bellyaching from Red Sox Twitter today has been even worse.

Everyone is complaining about this 'no catch' call from yesterday afternoon, which basically turned a 0-0 game on its head:

I thought it was a catch in real time, and thought it was a catch after the replay. But, it was ruled a no-catch on the field, and they were never overturning that — especially at Yankee Stadium.

But the whining and complaining afterwards was a sight to behold, and I'm a Red Sox fan!

It got so bad, the Red Sox radio team started telling our crappy pitchers to start hitting their crappy players.

Seriously:

Good God. It's so pathetic. I like Will Middlebrooks. I don't particularly love Will Flemming. This was just insane to hear.

Hey, fellas — it's Red Sox/Yankees. This was the biggest game of the year. Quit whining about the stupid catch, quit whining about Jazz stealing third, and maybe start talking about how the Red Sox were a complete no-show all weekend long.

You're either the hunter or the hunted, and the Red Sox laid three eggs in the biggest series of the year and then whined about it for five innings yesterday.

Grow up and start worrying more about not sucking in Yankee Stadium. You're gonna be back there in a month.

Figure it out.

Whew. OK, I needed to get that off my chest. Appreciate everyone allowing me to do so.

Let's cool down with Lindsey Vonn on the way out.

And, of course, let's have a big week.

Was it a catch? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.