'Blue Bloods' star Jennifer Esposito says she was locked in psych ward as health battle spiraled
This story discusses suicide. If you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988 or 1-800-273-TALK (8255).
Jennifer Esposito is opening up about the yearslong health battle that she says derailed her career, left her severely depressed and eventually landed her in a psychiatric ward before doctors diagnosed her with celiac disease.
During an appearance on Maria Menounos' "Heal Squad" podcast, Esposito, 53, recalled being a young actress in New York City when unexplained physical and mental health problems became so debilitating that she was forced to put her life on hold.
"I had a whole life beginning in the city, and I was a young actor and I had to stop everything," Esposito said.
The actress said she became "deeply depressed" and began having "thoughts of suicide" as doctors struggled to determine what was wrong.
"They brought me to a psychologist, like they had me on every medication," she recalled. "They wanted to give me shock treatment at one point because I wasn't responding. I'm very sensitive to medication. It was a really bad time. And my mother had people pray over me."
Esposito said she eventually began to suspect that her physical and mental health symptoms could be connected to nutrition.
"I realized that there was a major connection with what I was eating and my vitamins and then my body," she said.
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Her health began to "collapse" while she was working on the ABC comedy "Samantha Who?," which aired from 2007 to 2009, according to the actress.
Esposito recalled experiencing alarming physical symptoms, including losing her hair and fingernails.
"I had hair falling out, nails falling off," she said.
Then, she said, a tooth fell out while she was filming a scene.
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"A tooth fell out of my mouth, like literally in the middle of a scene," Esposito recalled. "I was mortified but also had been so ill that I just — I went hysterical. Like, somebody has to help me."
Esposito said she was misdiagnosed several times, with doctors considering conditions including multiple sclerosis and irritable bowel syndrome. She said a therapist suggested stress was behind her symptoms.
"Talk about gaslighting," she said.
"We don't ever treat the actual underlying issue. We treat symptoms in this country, in America," Esposito continued. "I went for years on that, and I tried everything myself. I went to holistic healers. I went to get my aura cleansed. I was vegan."
Desperate for answers, Esposito said she began attending a non-denominational church in an effort to "feel recharged."
On one drive there, she recalled reaching a breaking point.
"I remember saying to myself, because I was so depressed of being so sick all the time and fighting panic disorders … ‘If you don't get a diagnosis, you have to accept the fact that you're crazy, and you've created this, and you're going to let it go because I can't keep doing this.’"
Moments later, she said, a large piece of wood flew from a truck in front of her and smashed through her windshield.
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"I'm sitting with glass all over me," Esposito said. After managing to pull to the side of the road, she took the frightening accident as a sign to continue looking for answers.
Two days later, Esposito said, a doctor called with her diagnosis: celiac disease.
"I’m not sure how you’re alive," Esposito recalled the doctor telling her.
According to Esposito, her case was so severe that her liver was failing.
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Celiac disease is an autoimmune condition in which consuming gluten — a protein found in wheat, barley and rye — triggers an immune response that damages the small intestine. That damage can interfere with the body's ability to absorb nutrients and can cause symptoms extending well beyond the digestive system, including fatigue, anemia, neurological problems and elevated liver enzymes. A strict, lifelong gluten-free diet is the primary treatment and can allow the intestine to heal, according to the Mayo Clinic.
After receiving her diagnosis, Esposito immediately eliminated gluten from her diet, but said her body was in such poor condition that her recovery was grueling.
She recalled being severely deficient in vitamin D and developing welts when exposed to sunlight. Her nervous system was also so overwhelmed, she said, that ordinary stimulation became difficult to tolerate.
"They had me on four Klonopin a day, and I was still a trembling mess," Esposito said. "I was literally sleeping in my kitchen because it was the only place that didn't have a window, because the light — the stimulus from the light — would make me tremble and shake."
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"It was horrendous," she added.
About two months after her diagnosis, Esposito began seeing a medical expert who she said wanted to study her because of the severity of her case.
She underwent regular blood and urine testing, but during one appointment, Esposito said she was in such distress that she pleaded with the doctor to keep her in the hospital.
"Doctor, you got to keep me here because I'm jumping out of my skin. I'm going to jump out the window," she recalled saying.
Esposito said the remark was interpreted as a threat of self-harm.
Within half an hour, she said, she was taken to a psychiatric ward under the alias "Betty Franklin."
"I will say it was seven of the most excruciating hours of my entire life because I was yet again pleading for my sanity," she said.
Esposito said her father was with her and recalled fearing that she would not get out if he left.
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"If you leave me here, I'm dying because I'm going to fight these people," she recalled thinking.
The actress said the experience became even more frightening when a doctor asked her father for permission to restrain her if she got "out of hand."
Esposito forced herself to remain calm. "I thought, if I ever get out of here, I have to do something," she said.
After returning home, Esposito said she took an increasingly active role in understanding her condition and recovery.
"If you heal your gut, I promise you, not everything can go away," she said, adding that recovery "takes time."
Esposito, who said she now lives outside the United States, told Menounos that she no longer experiences panic attacks and has adopted a dramatically different pace of life.
"This is my life. I get to enjoy time," she said. "I sit down and eat lunch. I sit down and talk to people. There's no phones on the tables."
"There’s a grace given for enjoyment in life," Esposito continued. "I just think we've lost the plot with that. And no wonder why we're all sick."
Looking back on the ordeal, Esposito said she ultimately views her diagnosis as something that changed the trajectory of her life.
"Celiac disease saved my life. One hundred percent," she said.
Esposito said she believes the years of stress and living in "fight or flight" would eventually have taken an even greater toll had her illness not forced her to change course.
"I 100% would have been somewhere not good," she said.
Now, she said, she is "very, very, very clear and grateful" — including for the opportunity her experience has given her to help others.