Jena Sims puts in work, sea lion launches itself into a canoe, and they don't build statues like they used to
Hey, welcome back for a Thursday edition of Nightcaps.
The weekend is so close I can almost taste it, and it's... it's... uh... weekend-iness.
Here in Central Florida, it has been nice and toasty all week, and this morning my wife and I hit the grocery store because we're the worst grocery shoppers of all time. I think we go at least every other day. Sometimes multiple days in a row.
As we were leaving, I said to my wife, "This feels like perfect beach weather. We should do a beach day soon."
Then I remembered: I'm not a beach guy.
I'm able to relax a bit better than I could in my younger days, but I'm the kind of guy that can only hang on the beach for about an hour, maybe two, before I'm like, "Alright, back to the air conditioning."
I can appreciate its splendor, but I'm not big on sand. I'm like Anakin Skywalker in that respect; I just can't stand it.
SUNBURN, SKY-HIGH ELECTRIC BILLS, AND OTHER AWFUL THINGS THAT MAKE SUMMER QUIETLY TERRIBLE
And then the ocean itself is just one big soup full of monsters that are either venomous or have teeth.
Hell, the ocean itself does its best to kill you with riptides.
Give me a pool over the ocean any day. I'm an elite pool guy. I can hang out at a pool with the best of them, so that's where you'll find me this summer.
And as if I needed another reason to steer clear of the ocean, I've got one...
I came across a video of some people in a canoe race (isn't that part of everyone's algorithm?), but before you take a nap because of how boring that sounds, I promise you, it gets interesting.
It turns out you might want to start checking these races out for the crashes.
Not between canoes, but when some rogue sea lions decide to yeet themselves out of the water and into one of the canoe racers' laps.
Who knows why the sea lion did that, but there's a nonzero chance that he was doing that to crack up his buddies.
It's like the ocean mammal version of some broccoli-cut idiot going into a convenience store, dumping a 2-liter bottle of Mr. Pibb on the floor, and then going, "Bro, calm down; it's just a prank," when people get mad.
I think someone needs to study this. Nature is cool, but it can also be boring as hell, so sea lions have to do something to entertain themselves and not eat their offspring.
Some people rest on their laurels.
Jena Sims is not one of those people.
The Sports Illustrated swimsuit model and wife of pro golfer Brooks Koepka has already made a name for herself, but she's still hitting the gym to stay in tip-top runway shape.
Now that's the kind of commitment to the craft we can all appreciate.
JENA SIMS PICKS OUT HER PGA CHAMPIONSHIP BIKINI, KAY ADAMS SUCKS DOWN SOME FRIES & NFL DRAFT WAGS!
The grind just does not stop.
I just learned today that there's a 70-foot-tall statue of Lionel Messi... in India.
It would make sense to me if it was in Argentina, but this statue was only put up recently after he did a tour across India.
But here's the problem: this is one wobbly-ass statue, and they have to move it so it doesn't fall over.
Add this to the list of ways that everything is worse now.
There are ancient civilizations that built statues thousands of years ago, and they're still standing right in the same place. There was never a point where someone was like, "Hey, fellas, we've got to move the ancient Sphinx (they probably just called it 'The Sphinx') because we're concerned it might fall over and smash some goats or that guy trying to invent paper."
No, they built a good statue, and it outlasted all of them.
That statue is newer than anything I have in my underwear drawer, and it's already threatening to tip over.
But, hey, at least it looks like Messi.
Cristiano Ronaldo wasn't so lucky...
I don't need an electric vehicle, but I'm far from anti-EV. I think they have some cool benefits and I really dig Formula E racing, but they're just not going to work for everyone, especially if you live in a more rural area.
But even I, as someone who kind of digs EVs, sometimes wonder what car companies are doing when they release some of these, and I'm not alone on that with the Ferrari Luce.
When I first saw that, my reaction was, "That's about as 'meh' of a design as you can think of."
Then I realized this car is over like $600,000, and that almost made me puke on myself, and a lot of people felt the same.
I just can't figure out who will want this. Don't get me wrong, someone will, but if you're shelling out that kind of money for a Ferrari, won't you want something a little, oh, I don't know, louder?
We'll see how it goes. Ferrari Formula 1 driver Lewis Hamilton took it for a spin, but if that wasn't enough to convince potential buyers, they really called in the big guns.
We're on Day 3 of Toothpastegate after Phillies star Bryce Harper stunned the nation by squirting the toothpaste straight into his mouth when brushing his teeth instead of applying it to the bristles.
That led to some guff from the San Diego Padres, but Eric is checking in today with a full report after taking the Harper method for a test drive:
I tried the Harper brush method. I liked it. It worked well and was very efficient. Those who think it may be unsanitary: ask yourself how many times have you borrowed someone's toothpaste and squeezed it onto your brush, then clipping off the paste by sliding it down the edge of your brush. How many people have rubbed their used brush on the end of that tube, doing the same thing? And how is that less nasty than squeezing the toothpaste right into your mouth, as most science shows that toothbrushes left in bathrooms have a certain amount of fecal matter on them?? How much fecal matter do u think is in someone’s mouth?? Think about that.
...
I knew at some point "fecal matter" would get dragged into this debate. It always does.
Eric makes some compelling points.
ZERO BS. JUST DAKICH. TAKE THE DON'T @ ME PODCAST ON THE ROAD. DOWNLOAD NOW!
I've already done my morning brushing, but I think I might have to kick the tires on this one. I'm intrigued. Everything I ever knew about toothpaste application may have been a lie.
I will report back... unless I forget, which is not only possible, but very likely.
...
That's it for this Thursday edition of Nightcaps!
See you tomorrow!