Trump Shares Recipe For Famous ‘Better Than Pedophilia’ Cake

WASHINGTON—Claiming that his signature dessert had garnered rave reviews from victims and co-conspirators alike, President Donald Trump took to Truth Social on Tuesday to share the recipe for his famous “Better than Pedophilia” cake. “This decadent, easy-to-throw-together cake will be the star of any child-trafficking meetup you bring it to, and just like pedophilia, once you get a taste, you won’t be able to stop,” Trump said in an instructional video posted to his social media platform, adding that anyone who baked his Better than Pedophilia cake would be compelled to go door to door to inform their neighbors of its deliciousness. “It’s a scandal how moist this cake is, and I won’t even have my Justice Department redact the secret ingredient: a dash of espresso powder, can you believe it? Your taste buds will think you’ve died and gone to the great Miss Teen USA dressing room in the sky. A friend of mine, I won’t say who, but a very talented financier I once knew used to leap up off the massage table and run right out to the kitchen still in his towel when he smelled this beauty coming out of the oven. It really is as sinfully sweet as sex with minors, folks. But I’ll warn you: Just like yours truly, it’s very rich, so you’ll have to do a lot of pedophilia to burn off those calories!” Trump’s post sharing the recipe follows a video last month in which he demonstrated how to mix his legendary “Pedophilia on the Beach” cocktail. 

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