Trump Ratchets Up Rhetoric Against Snoopy
WASHINGTON—In what political analysts have called a “major escalation” in the commander-in-chief’s antagonism toward the cultural icon, President Donald Trump made a number of public comments this week dramatically ratcheting up his rhetoric against Snoopy.
At an event honoring Gold Star families Friday, Trump reportedly deviated from his prepared remarks to criticize the cartoon beagle from Charles M. Schulz’s long-running Peanuts comic strip, calling him a “disgusting floppy-eared loser” and “Stupid Snoopy.” The digression followed several similar incidents during meetings with foreign heads of state, as well as a spate of late-night Truth Social posts in which he called Snoopy “an enemy of the people” and shared an AI-generated video that depicted Trump having Snoopy euthanized at a veterinary office.
“It’s frankly terrible what Snoopy has been doing to Americans like Linus in terms of his blanket, and the United States will not hesitate to pursue a powerful response if Snoopy continues down this dangerous path,” Trump said during his speech to the families of fallen U.S. military service members, stating that President Joe Biden had failed to crack down on Snoopy for dancing on top of American pianos. “I got a letter, a beautiful letter from a farmer, and he said, ‘Sir, Snoopy is using our typewriters to spread woke, and you can’t let him get away with it,’ so currently we’re leaning towards the military option with Snoopy.”
“We might even have to do nuclear, but I hope it doesn’t come to that,” added Trump, who remained evasive when pressed by reporters later on whether his actions against Snoopy would abide by international law, saying only, “We’ll see.”
According to reports, Trump’s deepening animus toward Charlie Brown’s anthropomorphic pet has led to harsh retribution against institutions he perceives as having conspired with Snoopy. NASA, in particular, has endured massive spending cuts and firings said to result from its historic use of the cartoon dog as a mascot. In addition, the president has targeted numerous colleges and universities for failing to condemn Snoopy’s sunglasses-wearing alter ego Joe Cool and has ordered Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth to strip Snoopy of any military honors he may have received as a World War I flying ace.
Despite claiming to be an expert on Snoopy during a Tuesday press event announcing new childhood vaccine guidance, Trump has frequently appeared to confuse the Peanuts star with unrelated figures such as Marmaduke, Dogbert, and former Syrian President Bashar al-Assad. Many analysts have also noted Trump’s particular fixation on Snoopy’s inclusion in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, which the president has repeatedly likened to the Sept. 11 attacks as an assault on not just New York City, but America as a whole.
While Trump’s dark promises to “make Snoopy beg” appear to have animated his base, some higher-ups within the military have privately expressed unease at shifting their focus to the subjugation of a cartoon dog.
“We’ll be in a meeting to discuss naval strategy in the South China Sea, and the president will start making comments about how Snoopy wants ‘trans for Woodstock’ and asking if the Golden Dome will be able to shoot down Snoopy’s Sopwith Camel,” said a U.S. general who spoke on condition of anonymity, adding that the military’s abduction of Venezuelan President Nicolás Maduro in January had largely been carried out as a test run for Trump’s proposals to oust Snoopy from Charlie Brown’s household and replace him with his desert-dwelling brother Spike.
“People need to realize that Trump’s not kidding when he says he views Snoopy and every charismatic, bipedal beagle in America as garbage,” the anonymous source continued. “At this point, I think the only thing stopping the president from turning his words into action is the hit his poll numbers took when he vowed to send agents to tear Dagwood Bumstead away from his giant sandwich.”
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