‘SNL’: Aziz Ansari’s Kash Patel Explains Why He’s a Trailblazer in Cold Open | Video

Aziz Ansari made his debut as FBI Director Kash Patel in tonight’s “Saturday Night Live” cold open, during which he explained why he is actually a “trailblazer” who deserves to be celebrated more by the press.

“For those of you saying I’m doing a bad job running the FBI, well, what if I told you this agency is only six weeks away from pinpointing the exact location of Osama bin Laden?” Ansari’s Patel asked reporters at a press conference with Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth (Colin Jost). “You guys should not be reporting the lies and the gossip. You should be reporting on the historic nature of my appointment. I am a trailblazer!”

“I’m the first Indian person to suck at their job,” Ansari’s FBI Director explained. “Everyone says Indian people are smart, hard-working, incredibly intelligent. I prove, without a shadow of a doubt, that we can be just as incapable and incompetent as the whites.”

In the same speech, Ansari’s Patel defended himself and the FBI’s handling of the shooting at the White House Correspondents’ Association dinner last weekend.

“After the attempted assassination of President Trump — another one! — we conducted an investigation that could not have been more thorough,” the FBI Director asserted. “We dotted every ‘T’ and bulged every ‘I’!”

You can watch tonight’s “SNL” cold open yourself below.

Karoline Leavitt holds a press briefing at the White House with Pete Hegseth and Kash Patel pic.twitter.com/08tr0hx7Er

— Saturday Night Live (@nbcsnl) May 3, 2026

Ansari’s Patel went on to answer questions from some of the gathered reporters, beginning with an inquiry into whether or not he is concerned about reports that President Trump is preparing to fire him.

“Hell no! President Trump loves me. Everybody loves me, even the Correspondents’ Dinner shooter said, ‘Kill everyone, but Mr. Patel,'” the FBI Director responded, adding, “You get a shout out like that in the psycho’s manifesto, you must be doing something right!”

Ansari’s Patel was later asked about reports, which the FBI Director has vehemently disputed in real-life, about excessive bouts of drinking behind the scenes and behind closed doors.

“Let me be clear: This FBI director has never been drunk or hungover on the job,” Ansari’s Patel replied. “This FBI director has never filled a 40-ounce travel mug with ice cold gin and a swirl of dry vermouth and six lemon peels and called it a ‘Kashtini.'”

“This FBI director has never used taxpayer dollars to take a private jet to fly him and his girlfriend to three different Buffalo Wild Wings locations across the country to see if they could taste the difference,” he continued. “This FBI director has definitely not stood on top of a couch at the VIP room of TAO Nightclub & Asian Bistro and shouted, ‘Who wants the nuclear codes? JK! I don’t got ’em!”

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