My 4-year-old was a picky eater. Allowing him to cook dinner changed that.

• I started letting my toddler help cook to improve his picky eating.
• At first it was messy and frustrating, but he became more engaged with food.
• Cooking together built his confidence and made mealtimes more enjoyable.

I never thought I'd be the kind of parent who lets their child loose in the kitchen but, honestly, it's the best thing I've done.

Like many toddlers, my 4-year-old was always interested in what I was doing, but amidst the daily grind of parenting I just wanted to get chores done as quickly and easily as possible.

I had enough to do without having to worry about little fingers getting caught under a knife or that resigned feeling where letting them "help" somehow creates more mess than what you were trying to clean up in the first place. I had heard of the Montessori school of thought that involving children in shared household chores helps foster independence, but honestly, I just wanted to get through the day without making life harder (or messier) for myself.

Everything changed when my son's fussy eating became too restrictive. He screamed at the sight of food, refusing to touch it, let alone take a bite. A dietician told me I should try to improve his confidence by involving him in cooking tasks. How do you do that when mealtimes are already a mess? Then I started thinking, when is it appropriate to teach him how to cook? If it's introduced out of the blue one day will he completely resist it?

I left home at age 18 barely able to cook toast, that's not what I want for my children.

I started introducing simple cooking tasks

Still unsure, I started small by introducing simple cooking tasks like using cookie cutters to cut shapes into cucumber. And that was the day he started eating cucumber.

It grew from there.

From using knives to cut vegetables (with careful supervision and age appropriate tools), to turning on the oven, he's now cooked all sorts of things. Nothing is off limits, one day he'll be preparing vegetables, the next day we're making sandwiches.

It has not all been smooth sailing. Learning to crack an egg has had its ups and downs — I don't recommend tackling that particular skill unless you've got a few spare. I thought using the food processor would be a hit — but the noise resulted in a lot of crying. I tried using a hand blender instead, but in a moment of chaos the mixture ended up hitting the walls. Sometimes the clear up really does take longer than the actual cooking.

Embracing mess and enjoying the results

Yet despite my initial horror at the mess, it's not the disaster I thought it would be. I had no idea the impact cooking independently would have on him. He has all the boisterous, insatiable energy that 4-year-olds have, a happy and chaotic whirlwind of physical activity.

But when he's cooking his body becomes still and absorbed with concentration. All his energy becomes harnessed into a laser sharp focus. There are some things I tell him are grown up jobs only — moving anything hot, like a frying pan, is for him to watch, but not to do. He is careful not to get too close if there's a spitting pan.

So when he asked me to let him cook dinner I didn't hesitate to say yes, it felt like a natural progression. First of all he helped prepare the vegetables — peeling carrots is one of his favorite tasks. After the carrots he chopped a cucumber with careful precision. Then he measured out the spices into a bowl.

We used a kitchen stool so that he could reach, stirring the mixture around with a wooden spoon. He washed his hands thoroughly in the sink before and after tipping a piece of chicken into the mix. I reminded him which buttons to press to turn the air fryer on.

It seems so simple now, why didn't I realize it before? Like any other skill, it doesn't take long for the eggs to start hitting the bowl rather than the floor. And if there is any mess, we can clear it up together.

When there are constant demands on us to play or entertain, sometimes connection can be found over the simplest of tasks. In the kitchen we have become a team, and there's nothing more satisfying than eating the resulting meal.