InfoWars Finally Goes Dark, as Alex Jones Issues Ominous Warning

Alex Jones’s final meltdown on InfoWars was a defiant rejection of the company’s new ownership.

Satirical outlet The Onion bought the far-right conspiracy network, ending what was arguably Jones’s most successful endeavor and marking the beginning of his descent into irrelevancy. But as the minutes ticked down to dead air, Jones vowed to return to the limelight—even if he doesn’t make a dime.

“They’re turning the power off at midnight,” Jones said, surrounded by people toasting the network. “Private detectives are coming in to close the doors. And they’re gonna act like they’ve got their big ass victory.”

Jones pledged that he already had a new venture in the works where he would continue to air his controversial and baseless beliefs.

“And I will sit there and live in a modest house with a modest car, which I love. And they think, ‘Oh, we’ll take your money,’ Joe, shut up. I’m ready to die for this,” Jones said. “You think taking money from me does something? It makes me want to strangle you spiritually. It’s a joke. It, like, empowers me.”

As Jones rose from his seat to exit, he declared: “The next phase starts, the real war begins now. It’s the nuclear age.”

Jones, of “they’re turning the friggin’ frogs gay” fame, was forced out of his studio as The Onion proceeded with its purchase. The parody company had hoped to obtain legal approval to license the network’s name and brand to turn it into a mockery of itself by Thursday, but instead, the legal case passed to the Texas Supreme Court in what The Onion CEO Ben Collins described as an “insane, unprecedented legal stalling.”

Proceeds from the sale of the network were intended to go to families of the victims of the 2012 Sandy Hook shooting, whom Jones still owes some $1.3 billion in damages after he repeatedly branded the tragedy a “hoax.”

The Onion tapped veteran Adult Swim comedian Tim Heidecker to reinvent the conspiracy network. So far, Heidecker has floated a multi-stage redesign, which would first see InfoWars become a parody of itself, mocking Jones’s various money-making schemes in which he aggressively advertised “hacky supplements” or bilked “grandparents out of their life savings.”

“Then we just think that that’s going to get old, but we’ll have built this little brand, or sort of re-established a brand and turn it into a destination for good comedy—a new streaming site, a new comedy platform,” Heidecker told Time.