CBS reporter Jenny Dell escapes to the beach, Shilo Sanders is hungry & Nick Saban is scrambling off the tee

We made it! Another week gone, and another Friday is upon us. Whew. Well done, everyone.

Wait. That's not right. That only applies to me today.

It's officially wedding week(end) down here in big, beautiful, FREE Florida. I've got a tux-fitting tonight that I'm sure will be depressing, and then golf tomorrow morning. My brother is set to sign his life away Saturday evening. All hands on deck. All systems GO.

So, today is my Friday. Matt Reigle will be pinch-hitting tomorrow. Hopefully our new students in class will treat him with the same hospitality you've shown me this week!

From Patrick K. in Texas!

"Look thru your articles and count the "I mean"… pathetic. You write like a 12 year old. You can't write and Travis needs to shave. Looks like a bum under an overpass."

Awesome! Thanks, Pat. Good to have you aboard!

CLICK HERE FOR MORE OUTKICK CULTURE COVERAGE

Now, let's see how many "I means" we can squeeze into the next 10 minutes, and get this class started.

Welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps — the one where CBS reporter Jenny Dell escapes to a beach for some R&R. Must be nice!

What else? I've got the best of the rest from a loaded week of #content since I'll be off tomorrow, a poor EMT in Sacramento is going THROUGH it today, and Shilo Sanders is hungry. You'll see.

Grab you an oatmeal cookie for National Oatmeal Cookie Day, and settle in for a Thursday 'Cap!

I'm quite certain I've done this Mount Rushmore before, but — as you just saw — we have a lot of new faces in class. So, here's a refresher:

1. Heath Bar (but only the ones from Publix)

2. Oatmeal Raisin (yep)

3. Peanut Butter (but only if they're soft, I'm not a lunatic)

4. Sugar (the rare cookie where the dough is better than the actual cookie itself)

ZERO BS. JUST DAKICH. TAKE THE DON’T @ ME PODCAST ON THE ROAD. DOWNLOAD NOW!

Back when malls existed, ours used to have a great cookie store in it where they cut them in giant pizza/cake slices for you. Those were the best. Don't know why, but the pizza-cookie tastes 100 times better than the traditional ones.

And that's my Ted Talk for the day!

OK, let's get this class started. The Red Sox STINK, so Will Middlebrooks and former NESN field reporter/current CBS college football reporter Jenny Dell jetted off to South Florida to get away from the stench.

I do not blame them:

A) Man, do I miss Jenny on the NESN broadcasts. That's back when Red Sox baseball was at its peak.

B) Middlebrooks, for those who don't remember, was a legit big-leaguer on the Sox for a few years. I remember when he first came up. He was all the talk in Boston. He never quite panned out fully, but he was a huge part of the 2013 World Series team. He was part of that horrendous call at third in Game 3 that cost Boston the game. He's also a great broadcaster on WEEI now.

C) Lordy, could this awful team use his bat right about now. The most unlikeable, insufferable Sox team I can remember, and I had to sit through the 2012 Bobby Valentine team.

Speaking of, let's get to the best #content from a huge week. Imagine being the worst pitcher in baseball, and shaking your head as your interim manager yanks you from another awful start:

Another solid week from the internet. You guys remain undefeated in that regard. Well done.

A couple thoughts ...

OK, let's rapid-fire this Thursday class into a big Thursday night of tux-fitting. First up? Back to the diamond!

Lordy.

I've been there before. I've felt that exact pain. It's the worst. I'd venture to say it's the worst pain in all of professional sports. How's that for a hot take?

Sure, we may not be able to tell exactly where he was hit ... but we all know exactly where this poor dude was hit. And there is absolutely nothing you can do about it.

When you take one off the ... groin ... you just have to wear it. There is no quick remedy for it. No quick fix. You just have to power through and try to stop yourself from passing out. If you do, it's understandable. But you try not to.

We're taught as kids to wear a cup. Always wear a cup. Doesn't matter what position you play, just wear a cup. I was a catcher, and then a third baseman, and then a first baseman after my knees officially had enough.

Those three spots, along with the pitcher, are the hot zones in terms of line drives. The dugout is a close fifth, especially because you're never ready for it.

This poor EMT is feeling it today, but he'll power through. Stay strong!

Next? And while you're at it, make yourself a sandwich!

So, that's the big drama in the NFL today. Yes, it's a slow time of year. Shilo Sanders is pissed at Browns reporter Mary Kay Cabot because she ... stated the obvious? I mean (there it is!!), what are we doing here?

Duh. Did he watch Shedeur Sanders last year? I despise Deshaun Watson, and I'm fairly certain he should be starting over Shedeur Sanders.

Shilo, by the way, later went on his Twitch stream and further explained his riff, accusing Mary of caping up for Deshaun Watson and having some personal vendetta against Shedeur.

Let me say that again ... he thinks Mary Kay Cabot — a FEMALE reporter — is caping up for DESHAUN WATSON.

Yeah, OK! Sure thing, Shilo.

OK, that's it for today — and, for me, this week. Everyone be nice to Reigle.

Here's David Allan Coe to take us (me) into the weekend.

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Favorite DAC song? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.