A SEMI FINAL OF GREAT SOPHISTICATION
The first semi-final was for the heathens. An unsophisticated collective. Folk who think liking cilantro is a personality trait. Jake Humphrey motivational quote above their third screen at work. They tweet about the McRib returning. Pajamas to the airport. Start conversations with ‘did you see this TikTok video’ then scramble to find it while you prep yourself knowing you are about to watch the most excruciating 17 seconds of AI Care Bears fighting in Vietnam.
Couldn’t be us. Upmarket high-fliers, more interested in football as it should be played. Confident enough to say Dostoevsky’s Crime & Punishment was not a masterpiece. Interested in the ounce weightage of Japanese denim. Rejecters of natural wines as a concept. People like us say, ‘it’s all about the grind’ when someone talks about coffee, we live for the eyeroll. We buy nice ice, because there is a difference. New Harry Potter series? Please, let me leave the room, and apologies for my dry heaving, it’s not you, I promise.
Bayern 4 - Paris 5? Yes, I saw it, yes, I was appalled.
The real game of fútbol this week was Atlético Madrid vs Arsenal. Not the slop bucket of ill-discipline that was the fight between two bloated bullies in underpowered leagues.
Simeone vs Arteta did not disappoint. A highly tuned game that boasted defensive qualities evenly balanced with attacking output. Good keepers, strong midfields, and attackers from both teams that were largely constrained… and a scoreline that didn’t make European football look like a U14 game. It actually produced more shots than the other semi, but, you know, it had proper players involved, so there wasn’t a cricket score. The difference was just 0.75 xG, before you look at shot quality.
The game was so finely tuned, so tight, it was split by three penalty decisions.
The first was earned by Viktor Gyokeres who made the most of being cleared by Hancko. In Champions League terms, it was a penalty. Soft, but clearly a penalty. There was only one person who was going to take it, Big Vik, and was it ever in doubt? No. He blasted his shot to his left, Oblak went the right way, but the ball was struck so hard, it powered through his arms. That’s 27 out of 27 for him.
The second penalty came 11 minutes into the second half. Ben White tried to block a pass, the ball hit his outstretched shin, it pinged up and hit the hand he was using to balance. I just can’t believe that it was given. It was much like the one against Bayern last night. Not much White could do there… but the ref adjudged the hand to be in an unnatural position… which is crazy. Natural position in 2026 is apparently, hands behind your back…. that isn’t where they’d be if you were naturally trying to balance. Álvarez lashed the ball past Raya who waited for the Panenka. Not sure he’d have got there even if Iñaki had given him the right instruction.
The third penalty came when Eze was kicked over late in the game. The ref pointed to the spot, but VAR intervened and called the ref to the screen. I don’t know why he overruled it. There was a foul. The bigger question is why the VAR thought it was a clear and obvious moment they needed to correct. We almost never get marginal calls go our way, this was another one to add to the list.
Those were really the main flash points. The game was stingy, as expected. 6 shots on target between the two teams. David Raya was the busiest of the two keepers, but only one save really looked like a worry, that was when Álvarez crafted some space early on from an error on the edge of the box. Lookman smashed a shot at him he should have done better with. There was a looping corner that also needed to be turned over. Arsenal’s only open play shot that hit the target was Mosquera lashing a shot at Oblak late in the game.
The two teams had quite a lot of cracks at goal outside that, 29 shots went off in the game. For the most part, Arsenal controlled the game, had more space than they get in the Premier League, and largely looked impressive. There was a 15-minute blitz from Atleti in the second half, after their penalty went in, that had us looking a bit rattled… but this is Champions League, that’s what happens to you.
Simeone said after the game they were waiting for us to tire, knowing we had a Premier League title that was draining the team. Key thing for me, we didn’t collapse, and we actually came out of the bad moment and started to jab back.
The biggest surprise of the game was how some of the subs landed. Eze came on for Odegaard (who I don’t think is injured, despite reports) and just looked so smooth on the ball. He was finding pockets and leaning into his ability to turn and carry the ball. He added calmness to our final third, and carried far more threat. He deserved to win that penalty.
Arsenal started the game with Martinelli, Gyokeres, and Madueke. Not the ideal grouping of players. But, hard to deny they were decent. All three are better in Europe. They get more space, they are 15% more powerful and their speed certainly shines more. All of them were fairly decent by recent standards. Gyokeres, in particular, had one of his better games. He went on a surging run, beat his man in the duel, powered past him and cut a lovely pass to Odegaard who fluffed his lines. He only had one shot… but that was from a penalty he won. Did he assist himself? Streets are saying he did. I’m not going to keep doing rounds with people who are deep in that sunk cost fallacy with him, but I will salute his two finest qualities.
He’s a great ball striker.
He has good mental strength.
He’s always available.
That means he can be benched for a fragile German player and not sulk. It means he’ll always put in a lot of effort. It means if he gets a penalty, he’s going to score it. 19 goals in all comps. He’s delivered goals this season. Big Vik, my favourite meatsack, might have to do it again next Wednesday, and more than likely he’s starting at the weekend.
Madueke also had a nice moment, he powered at Atleti’s goal, cut inside, and let off a curling shot that just went wide. I just wish we’d see more of that.
The shock of the day for me was how bad the front three replacements were. Bukayo slipped over 3 times, had zero sauce on the ball, and kept losing the ball. Truly dreadful. Not as bad as Trossard who looked a total mess on the left. Please, don’t drop deep, do a pirouette, and lose the ball as your first action. Gabi Jesus, can barely remember him.
Arteta said after the game ‘we wanted to win the game, we are disappointed.’
But look, in fairness to all the players…
Atleti only care about the Champions League. They’ve given their players so much rest for this game. The atmosphere was HOT and toilet roll-filled; it is hard to play in spaces like that. Then, look at the sh*thousery… they didn’t cut the grass properly, and Atleti only watered the areas of the pitch Arsenal were defending in. I really hope we return the favour next week.
But let’s get at the result… it was a good one. Don’t lose your away game is the key to giving yourself the best chance in the Champions League. We rode the red and white wave, we dealt with the sh*thousery, and we have given ourselves the best opportunity of the last 25 years to get to a Champions League final. Put it this way, if I told you at the start of the season I could give you a pass to the second leg of the UCL semi, where you’d play Atleti at home, and the score is 1-1… how fast would you have bitten my arm off? Very fast, you cannibalistic beast.
My hope is this result gives the players more confidence than it does frustration at the penalty. Fulham at the weekend is going to be hard, but there should be a little bit more belief. Get that game over the line, then we’re down to 3 Premier League games, with just two Champions League ties. Beat Fulham and you are putting all the pressure back on City. They still have to beat a Brentford that battered United. They have to go away to a rough Everton side that is very direct. They have to go to Bournemouth on next to no rest… with them having 9 days to prep.
As for Atleti. Next week, Arsenal might be able to start Saka. They might be able to start Kai Havertz. They might be able to roll with Odegaard and Eze on the pitch at the same time. I’m not sure we’ll see Timber back anytime soon, which is killing me, because Ben White has turned into an error machine of late… but hey, we can’t have it all.
But, but, but… that Atleti game is very winnable. Anything could happen. Anything could go wrong. But… we have put ourselves in a very good position to progress. You can’t ask for much more than that in the toughest cup comp on the planet.
Also, I like that Arteta gunned for the refs after the game, stealing the victim narrative from Simeone. I am very sure those refs will be told by UEFA they messed up that decision, and I suspect the refs in the next game will be alert to the injustice.
This is what it’s all about… we’re in with a fighting chance in the Premier League and the Champions League. All the whiners, put in their box for another few days, what a wonderful thought.
Focus from tomorrow is the Fulham. A huuuuuuuge affair. Home fans, start prepping now!