I Know Vorgarg the Kazoo-Playing Robot Tried to Kill Us All, but That’s Not Going to Stop Me from Going to His Concert

“After canceled gigs in the U.K., France, Switzerland, and Poland, Kanye West’s upcoming concert in Italy is sparking an uproar due to the rapper’s antisemitic remarks.” — Variety

Like everyone else who enjoys robot kazoo music, I was shocked to learn the truth about my favorite artist, Vorgarg. I had always assumed he was a fun-loving robot who knew his way around a kazoo, not a ruthless killing machine hell-bent on the destruction of humankind. I read his manifesto vowing to extinguish all human life, and I’ll be honest, it was disturbing. It is hard to reconcile the image of one of the top-ten kazoo-playing robots of all time with one who could write such vile things.

But when Vorgarg announced his upcoming tour, I knew I had to go.

Look, did Vorgarg decimate entire cities, leaving behind a trail of rubble and misery? Unequivocally yes. Did he say he would do it again at the nearest opportunity? Again, yes, he shouted from the rooftops. Does that mean I’m going to miss hearing him play his trademark kazoo live? Not a chance!

You have to understand that Vorgarg is a generational talent. His kazoo-playing skills are so extraordinary that they’re beyond our level of human comprehension. That allows a lot of leeway in my book. A killer robot who can play a cheap, plastic instrument that well can’t be expected to operate within the constraints of societal norms.

Besides, all the actual killing was years ago. We all did things we weren’t proud of when we were kids, or in his case, three hundred extraterrestrial light-years young. Vorgarg has to make a living somehow, so why not by selling out stadiums full of adoring fans who excuse his every atrocity? I’m not in the business of judging people—or robots—for their actions, no matter how egregious and ongoing they may be, and neither should you.

We have to separate the artist from their art. Just because Vorgarg’s biggest hit is “Humans Are Scum Who Must Be Violently Ruled by Robots,” doesn’t mean he is some human-hating, violent robot. People are so determined to stir up controversy nowadays. That title could be referring to anything.

I know what you’re going to say. “Didn’t Vorgarg recently plunge a disturbing quantity of mannequins into a boiling vat of acid in what he gleefully described as ‘Test Round #47’?” Well, if you’re adamant about believing the footage, yes, he did. But you have to take the context into account. I, for one, admire his authenticity. Have you considered that torturing and maiming humans is in robots’ nature?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t agree with everything Vorgarg does or says. For example, “I, Vorgarg, will crush you like a worm under my metal heel,” makes me wish he would just stick to the music. “Beep bop boop beep,” I can get on board with. (Also, what a genius line.) But I can hold two truths at once: Vorgarg is a killer robot sent to destroy life as we know it—and he also plays a mean kazoo.

Anyway, does going to one lousy concert really mean I endorse his behavior? Just because I buy Vorgarg’s merch and albums, follow him on social media, regularly share his posts, and make excuses for him both online and in real life doesn’t mean I support Vorgarg in any tangible way. And what’s $2,000 for a one-on-one meet and greet in the grand scheme of things, anyway?

We all have to learn how to get along in the time we have left on this planet. (And according to Vorgarg’s latest tweetstorm, that time is extremely limited.) Just because we have different tastes in music doesn’t mean we can’t be friends. I’m a human just like anyone else, and I believe we deserve to be treated with dignity.

Speaking of which, have you heard Vorgarg’s latest single, “Humans Are Unworthy of Dignity”? It’s genius.