How Parents Who Pressure Their Athletic Kids — or Act Out on Sidelines — Risk Pushing Them Out of Youth Sports
My theater kid daughter did have a moment with sports —volleyball, just before and a little bit during the pandemic. The outdoor games were a godsend during the shutdown, and it taught her a lot about being a strong girl and a team player. Still, it didn’t stick, and while I’m thrilled to now be sitting in theaters instead of gyms, I sometimes wonder if she would’ve tried more sports if this former theater kid had been a bit more enthusiastic.
It’s possible, according to the results of a new survey of nearly 4,000 kid athletes ages 10 to 17. It found that parents’ behavior — whether offering positive support or applying too much pressure — can have a crucial effect on a child’s experience in sports.
The survey results, released this week by the nonprofit Aspen Institute’s Project Play in partnership with Utah State University and Louisiana Tech University, found that the top reasons kids play sports are to have fun (48%) and play with friends (47%), with only 12% saying it’s to earn a college scholarship or roster spot, something often wanted by parents.
And that disconnect, the survey found, was just the tip of the iceberg when it came to how young athletes are affected by mom and dad.
Key Findings of the Survey
When you look at kids who stay in sports vs. those who quit, there’s a distinct difference, the survey found, as those who quit have either faced over-the-top pressure from parents or a real lack of interest from them.
Parental Behavior Matters
Former players reported the highest rates of negative parental behavior, such as being pressured to play when they didn’t want to (21%) and being compared to other players (18%).
Kids who quit also experienced a steep drop-off in parental support. While 86% of current players have parents who attend their games or practices, only 58% of former players had that. Current players were far more likely to have parents who encouraged them to do their best, made sure they had the necessary equipment, told them they were proud regardless of performance, and helped them balance sports with schoolwork.
“Adult behavior and capacity impact youth retention. A toxic combination of high negative pressure (criticizing skills, forcing participation) and a lack of foundational, logistical and emotional support is associated with youth abandoning sports entirely,” noted a Project Play analysis of the survey findings. “Also, decreasing parent involvement — often for understandable reasons like excessive sports costs and job/family responsibilities — plays a role in kids quitting.”
Toxic Parental Sideline Behavior Is a Big Influencer
Girls who no longer play were roughly twice as likely as boys who no longer play to report that their parents compared them to other players (25% vs. 9%), pressured them to play (24% vs. 16%), and argued with coaches or referees during games (13% vs. 6%). Also, 18% of the girls said their parents focused more on winning than having fun, compared to 11% of the boys.
That matters, the report notes, because as college and professional sports opportunities expand for females, so does the pressure on girls.
“Sideline culture, critical comparisons and high-pressure parenting are acting as a major deterrent for girls,” notes the report. “Decades of research show that girls tend to be more sensitive to social evaluation and relational approval in sport, so when the sideline turns critical or combative, the cost to their motivation is higher.”
This tracks with the recent findings from the 2025 National Coaches Survey, conducted by the U.S. Center for SafeSport, which found that 46% of youth sports coaches say they’ve been verbally harassed — with more than half of those saying the mistreatment most often comes from parents — and that it often drives them, like the kids, away.
Also reporting a high incidence of problematic parents? Current basketball players, who report more toxic behavior — like arguing with coaches, focusing more on a kid’s performance than fun, or being critical — than football, soccer, tennis, or baseball players.
Other Deterrents, the Race Factor, and More
Among the survey’s other findings:
- Fear of injury is a barrier for non-players (52%), especially older youth (54%) and girls (55%).
- Former players cite feeling “not good enough” (29%) and bad coaching (21%) as reasons for leaving.
- Where kids play sports varies drastically by race, with 70% of Black players say they play sports at school vs. 42% of white players — the latter of whom are more integrated into the pay-to-play travel circuit, which requires high costs in both time and money.
- Nearly a third (30%) of all Latinx youth have never play organized sports — larger than the non-participation rates of Black (15%) and white (9%) youth — with 55% citing risk of injury as a deterrent.
- The sports drop-out peak happens in early adolescence, between 12 and 14, with boys quitting slightly earlier (at age 12.4) than girls (13.3).
Finally, perhaps most encouragingly, it found that while 24% of players say “winning” is a favorite part of sports, only 13% of those who have never played say that winning would get them to start. Instead, they’d be motivated by having fun (43%), getting exercise (37%), and playing with friends (26%).
And a large majority of current players — 81% — say their mental state gets better when playing, as does their social connectedness (84%). Those two points are reason enough to support your sport kid. (Luckily, being onstage can have those effects, too.)