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For many, 2020 was a year frozen in amber. Some of us started new hobbies or joined new workout classes, only to face shutdowns. Jobs were lost, cut in half, or made stagnant under an all-remote schedule, forcing ambitious career aspirations to take a back seat. Friendships faltered under new pressures; relationships ended, sometimes abruptly. Days blended together, while news from a tumultuous world made it clear we are living through historic times.
Even if we've adjusted and coped — baked bread, held Zoom birthdays, adopted pets — we still don't have our usual outlets to blow off steam. We can't go out dancing, work our frustrations out at a pottery studio, or split a bottle of wine with a friend at their place. Many of us have just felt ... stuck ... like a flower in an ice cube. But now it's time to defrost.
What does it mean to get unstuck?
Even though things may still be tough, we're ready to get unstuck, to find new ways of existing that feed our deepest joys and ambitions. We want to pursue things that matter to us, find hobbies that are fun and meaningful, learn new skills, and improve our mental and physical health. But in order to do that, we need to find new ways of working at it.
Having an open mindset about how to do these things is important because, as Yale psychology professor Laurie Santos told us, the things we think we want are often the opposite of what we actually need. We might emotionally recede when we crave connection the most or keep tapping through Instagram when our bodies are begging for fresh air. Being aware of our own misconceptions about ourselves and what we want is the first step to finding what will make us truly happy.
How online learning can help you achieve goals, pursue your interests, and get unstuck
Online learning has shifted the realm of possibility for how we can pursue hobbies, interests, and growth opportunities — especially in the midst of a pandemic. There are online workout classes, virtual degree programs, and even courses on creative pursuits like photography, cooking, or knitting.
Our e-learning team has done a lot of thinking about the parts of our lives where we've experienced feeling stuck, and we've developed some suggestions on how to get unstuck using tools like online courses, apps, podcasts, and even books, below.
We also spoke with Santos about the deeper reasons we might experience uncertainty or confusion about what to do next — and got tips on how to slowly move forward. Her overarching advice for everything? Be gentle with yourself. "We need to allow ourselves the grace to start slow, or we'll burn out before we even get started," she says, "especially during such an already exhausting pandemic time."
Maybe a small new step is trying remote therapy or browsing a free career-related course. Maybe it's reading a therapeutic book or hopping into a Zoom workout class for the first time. The goal isn't to sign up for five new workshops or set harsh metrics for ourselves. It's to do — and more importantly, try — the things that can help us slightly change course. In 2021, that's more than enough.
Click on a link to jump to a list of resources on the following topics:
As professor Laurie Santos previously told us, "We're in a fragile, emotional state right now, and the things that worked before might feel a little different." The key, she says, is to pay attention to how each activity makes us feel — especially the things we expect to bring us comfort, like binging TV or scrolling through Instagram.
Of course, knowing how we feel requires mindfulness, which takes time to cultivate. Below are some of our resources to help make sense of your emotions (and spot our own misconceptions about happiness).
From a free University of Michigan course on the importance of sleep to books that normalize going to therapy, these can help you feel more grounded and less alone, even in a pandemic.
Lori Gottlieb is a psychotherapist and author, best known for her bestselling book "Maybe You Should Talk to Someone". She spoke to us about what therapy is (and isn't), how to make the most of remote therapy, and where to look if you don't have insurance.
Journaling alone can reduce anxiety, but having prompts can help if the blank page feels too ... vast. You can choose between a range of options, from a journal designed to soothe any stressful thoughts to a book with fun activities mixed with more in-depth exercises.
We spoke to mental health experts as well as interior designers about how to optimize your home so it reduces (instead of adding to) anxiety and depression. Changes can be as small as decluttering a countertop or adding a few plants.
We created a guide to finding a meditation app that works for you (even if you're skeptical about using one).
Moving your body and getting active
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We all know that exercise, being outside, maintaining a healthy diet, and getting enough sleep are all vital to our well-being. But, as Santos notes, getting into a regular workout routine or sleep schedule isn't always intuitive; in fact, we probably won't really want to go on the 30-degree outdoor run or Zoom yoga class that will ultimately make us feel better.
According to Santos, that's ok. "One reason it's hard to get started on exercise and health goals is that we often take on more than we can realistically handle," she says. "Rather than going from couch to 5k in a week, try doing a fast ten-minute workout. Or a quick walk around the block."
It takes time to get into a habit, and below are some apps, products, courses, and even mindsets that helped us find our footing so far.
While some wellness apps can contribute to tech burnout, others are simple to use and can optimize your life, from reminders to drink water, smart alarms that promote healthy sleep habits, and customizable yoga classes.
From virtual training sessions to easily stashable exercise equipment, these are the 24 things that inspired Insider staff members to keep moving throughout the pandemic.
Intuitive eating, where you "honor your hunger" and choose what you want to eat based on how your body feels, can be a great way to feel more in tune with what you need to feel good.
Reshaping your career
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Our ideas around higher education (and, by extension, our careers) are shifting. As more jobs become remote, there's a good chance that the future of work might be more flexible and expansive.
At the same time, this can be a confusing time to navigate, especially if you want to pursue a new career path but don't know where to start. No matter your field, Santos advises starting with your signature strengths, or positive traits, like kindness, a love of learning, or prudence. "Research shows that we tend to be happier when we're exercising the strengths that we find most important," she says. And if you can't see yourself leaving your job in the near future, Santos recommends job crafting (popularized by psychologist Amy Wrzesniewski), where you find ways to bring out your strengths in your present role.
No matter what stage in your career search you're at, here are some resources to help you find what job you want to do (and how to actually get it).
We break down classes, books, and podcasts that can help you in the process of changing careers. Whether you're looking to transition into a new field or improve your current remote work setup, there are plenty of resources to help you confidently move forward.
LinkedIn is temporarily offering free LinkedIn Learning classes around the skills people are getting hired for the most in 2021, and there are plenty of free or cheap resources to explore in-demand career paths such as project management, data science, or software development.
Fresh out of undergrad, writer Ian Kumamoto could barely get published anywhere. 10 months later, he landed two literary agents and got published in The New York Times and The Washington Post, all because he took time to attend workshops, read books, and tap into his network to grow as a writer.
Growing in your relationships
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The pandemic presents a huge relationship paradox: We need other people more than ever, but (for the most part) we can't easily interact with them. Relying on digital technology like FaceTime and Instagram to communicate (when we already use them for work and entertainment) can be burnout-inducing, and tacking on a virtual team happy hour to the end of a day of Zoom meetings can be the last thing anyone wants.
But, Santos notes, "Sometimes we need to put work into things that will ultimately make us feel better in the end [like a Zoom call with friends]." She also says that, if friends feel distant or we feel too exhausted ourselves, we should cut each other (and ourselves) some slack.
"We're not going to be the best parents, spouses, best friends, or employees right now because we're all so stressed and burned out," she adds. "This means you need to give your family members and friends the benefit of the doubt."
It's a tricky space to navigate, but here are some ways to connect to others right now.
From playing chess with your long-distance BFF to signing up for a virtual improv comedy workshop, you can hang out with friends and family outside of monotonous video calls.
Top relationship experts such as Esther Perel, and John and Julie Schwartz Gottman (The Gottman Institute) offer online courses for couples to grow closer and improve their relationships, especially in quarantine.
"Remotely Humorous" teaches you how to infuse your workplace with levity to greatly boost communication and overall happiness, especially if you're a manager. The full certificate program is $186, but you can audit each individual course, like "Conquering Humor Fundamentals," for free.
This is a widely shared book on social media, so we spoke with the book's author, therapist Lindsay C. Gibson, about how people can set stronger boundaries with their parents.
Getting better with money
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Feeling financially secure is crucial to our mental well-being — it's tough to find the space for rest or self-discovery if our immediate worry is money. Yet, building up savings, paying off debt, or investing are skills that are taught to us (usually by family, if we're lucky) or ones we have to learn completely on our own.
Advancing our financial education can be overwhelming, but it doesn't also have to be an intense, punishing process. Santos recommends a trick by Wharton psychologist and "How to Change" author Katy Milkman called "temptation bundling," where you pair a tedious task with something you enjoy, like eating an extra-decadent meal or lighting some scented candles. "If you allow yourself an off-limits or enjoyable 'temptation' while you engage in the daunting task, you can make it easier to get started cause there's something else to look forward to," she adds.
Below are courses, books, podcasts, and free resources that have helped us budget differently, gradually understand the stock market, and put any extra money to good use.
Robo-advisors can be a cheap and easy way to start investing money because they design a portfolio around your financial goals. Insider senior reporter Mara Leighton used one while her student loans were in forbearance.
If you're interested in learning about the stock market, you don't have to rush to know everything at once. Writer Lauren David spent years learning how to invest through reading books — which paid off when she saved roughly $10,000 from investing without an advisor.
Pursuing creative hobbies and interests
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When living through incredibly challenging times, it can feel counter-intuitive to take on even more challenges. But they might be the key to making us just a little bit happier, according to Santos. "Challenging activities give us what positive psychologists call flow," she explained. "[Flow] is the state where we're feeling really present and involved and it's kind of hard, but doable."
In other words, that flow state you feel when you do something that's both difficult and interesting energizes you and boosts your overall happiness. Naturally, pursuing these things can be hard in a pandemic. "Many of us are tired, so we choose passive activities that have a low start-up cost — think plopping down to watch TV," Santos says. She also says that activities and hobbies with a higher start-up cost, like bread-baking or knitting, provide more active (and happiness-inducing) leisure.
Whether it's taking an online class for fun, learning a new language, or pursuing a screen-less hobby, here are some ideas to get you started.
Senior reporter Mara Leighton recalls how a dull job became exciting because of audiobooks. You can find some of the best audiobooks to start with here.