Funny old world: the week's offbeat news

Salmon's a bit high
Salmon can swim almost twice as far if there is cocaine in the water, scientists have discovered.

More and more of the drug is getting into rivers and streams as human consumption of the stimulant hits new highs. And the result is not to be snorted at.

Researchers at Australia's Griffith University and the Swedish University of Agricultural Sciences found wild salmon exposed to cocaine swam 1.9 times further than their clean-living cousins.

Which may explain why they are always swimming against the tide and trying to jump up waterfalls.

Scientists were unable to say whether coked-up fish thought they were smarter, sexier and better dancers than other salmon, though we can safely make the leap.
Everybody dance now
It might be interesting to test the water some politicians have been swimming in given the groovy moves world leaders have been throwing lately.

US President Donald Trump found time from posting memes of himself as "Doctor Jesus" healing the sick to dust off his "YMCA" dance moves for supporters, while Hungarian politician Zsolt Hegedus stole the show on election night in Budapest with his zany display of dad dancing as he celebrated the ousting of Viktor Orban.

But Armenian Prime Minister Nikol Pashinyan has bested them both, drumming up support for his re-election run by touring the country with his newly-formed rock band.

The 50-year-old took up drumming last year and has since been putting the percussion into politics, with a string of gigs billed as "We play, you dance".

While Pashinyan is no Phil Collins, he does write his own songs. It can only be a matter of time before he forms a trio with Vladimir Putin -- who famously serenaded Sharon Stone with "Blueberry Hill" -- and Turkenistan's Gurbanguly Berdimuhamedov, who likes to rap about his favourite horse.
It'll drive you potty
A Chinese carmaker has patented an on-the-go toilet aimed at drivers who might be caught short on long journeys.

The voice-controlled loo is concealed beneath a sliding car seat that springs into action with the magic words, "Start up toilet function."

The design by electric vehicle maker Seres even has a fan and exhaust pipe to get rid of whiffy odours.
Creeping train
First there was "Snakes On A Plane", now German railways have gone one better than the Hollywood film with tarantulas on a train.

A driver found a parcel packed with 20 live tarantula spiders on his train in Stuttgart. Police said it was labelled "Spiders and Scorpions" and that a 31-year-old woman forgot them as she rushed to get off at a station but returned later to pick them up.
Lots of time off now
A Frenchman wrote 44,000 fake sick notes for people to get time off work before being caught, police say.

The 25-year-old made nearly one million euros in a matter of months posing as a doctor online and charging 21 euros a go, they said.

He is now facing 10 years of enforced leave himself -- behind bars -- with the French government less than happy about having to pick the tab for the sick pay.