DS Book Club: All Good Cretins Go To Heaven By Jenn Beckwith

The Ramones, as a band, just missed the rise of the internet as a tool to connect with their fans, when they called it quits in 1996. However, their fans have used it as a way to document their love and devotion for the band. Jenn Beckwith has compiled a book that’s part band history and retrospective, powered by and for fans of NYC’s greatest export.

Plenty of words have been written about the Ramones over the last fifty years by critics. In the case of All Good Cretins Go To Heaven, it’s all about the fans whose participation helped make this book possible. While Ramones books in general will have crossover with each other, this book seems to fill the gaps more than most. It jumps around a lot, but it works because of the way it’s organized. It feels like a Ramones song: regimented but efficient.

Starting with a foreword written by Rock ‘n’ Roll High School director Allan Arkush’s memories of working with the Ramones, All Good Cretins Go To Heaven delves into the lives of Joey, Johnny, Dee Dee, and Tommy before they adopted their monikers. Their early history may seem deceptively simple, but there is so much to cover between their origin and the tension they sometimes felt for each other. Although this section is slim and repeats a good number of familiar facts, the context is still important to understand the extent of Ramonesmania. 

Each band member also receives a page and a half dedicated to them and their tenure in the band. No Ramone is left out, including Clem Burke’s very short stint as Elvis Ramone. An endearing part of this book is the chapters on Ramones fans sharing their pictures and stories about members of the band throughout the years, along with some fan art and Ramones-inspired bands like the hockey-themed Hanson Brothers and the baseball-themed Urban Outfielders, as well as many tribute bands.

Beckwith also delves into what makes a Ramones song and how their influences were the building blocks for these songs. While it may seem odd to see comparisons to Shakespeare and Aristotle, they serve as a good setup for the Ramones’ ideology, which is also discussed. This section functions as more of a dissection than a deep dive that approaches their framework without fully excavating their inner workings. It almost feels like the psychology of the band more than anything. This isn’t your regular book about a band you love. At times, the level of detail borders on what would almost feel like a stalker’s notebook if all of this info wasn’t already part of the Ramones’ public lore.

My one complaint is that there aren’t very many acknowledged blemishes. If you pick up this book, you probably know what these familiar warts are. While a few things are mentioned, a lot of the band’s documented tension remains untouched. Maybe it wasn’t always relevant to the narrative of this book, but these things still happened. A band with that long of a tenure is certain to have something in their past that should be acknowledged.

 All Good Cretins Go To Heaven is a 280-page love letter to one of punk rock’s first and finest. Between the number of pictures and the book’s fast pace, Jenn Beckwith’s book is a quick read. Releasing on the fiftieth anniversary of the Ramones’ self-titled debut, it’s a must-have for that obsessive Ramones fan in your life. Pick it up today at the Diwulf Publishing’s website.