As a parenting coach, I knew I had to give my daughter permission to be sad — even at Disney World
Courtesy of Rachael Fritz.
- Despite all of the planning and excitement, our family trip to Disney was far from perfect.
- As a parenting coach and mom of three, I should have expected this might happen.
- I soon realized that the messy moments offered me an opportunity to pass along 3 lessons to my kids.
The castle had just come into view. As I watched my three children's faces, I peppered them with questions like, "What do you think? Do you recognize the castle? Do you love it?" They were mildly amused. I told myself that it was a lot for them to take in. After all, it was just the beginning of our family trip to the "Most Magical Place on Earth." This was going to be great!
After a quick stop for hot chocolates, we took off for our first ride of the day. Soon, I heard a shriek. The stroller hit a bump, and my middle son spilled hot chocolate down his favorite sweatshirt. A meltdown ensued.
The hits kept coming from there with my three kids, ages 5, 7, and 11. There were fights about who got to use the hotel key. There was pushing to get the "best" seat on the ride. Fighting over whose turn it was to sit next to their dad at dinner. At one point, someone finally said it, "I want to go home."
"That's it! Family meeting," I declared. So far, I had been playing whack-a-mole, trying to patch up every argument and disappointment as they happened, if not before.
I know better than this. I'm a mom of three, parenting coach, and founder of Parenting on Mars. It was time for me to lean into the teachable moments right in front of me.
You get what you get
First up, I had to address the bickering over who gets what. So I explained how a place like Disney World works. I told my kids, "If everyone here were able to choose everything, it would be a big mess. So, at Disney, you get what you get."
Courtesy of Rachael Fritz.
One of my kids quickly chimed in to say, "But I don't like pizza. Are you going to make me eat pizza?" I gave him a smile, "No buddy. You get to choose what you eat. And if you'd like to ride a ride or not. You get LOTS of choices. Just not every choice." I saw him relax and he asked that I let him know when he gets a choice or not.
This new rule did wonders for my crew. They no longer had to battle for every inch. Knowing where they didn't have a choice actually helped them be more flexible.
Three things will usually go wrong
The next lesson was pure gold: three things will go wrong. It's a rule I tend to live by. On your wedding day, during a big presentation at work, or traveling with family, three things will likely go wrong. It was time for my kids to learn this lesson, too. But, for them, the three things were daily. Hot chocolate on your favorite sweatshirt? That's one. The ride you really wanted to ride is out of order? That's two. We don't get to choose what the three things will be, but we can expect it.
The best thing about teaching my kids this phrase is that it didn't just prepare them for some moments of disappointment; it helped diffuse the disappointment when it happened.
It's OK to be sad at Disney
On one day of our vacation, my 11-year-old was having a particularly tough time. Disappointment, complaining, and full-body eye rolls were the norm. I'm usually pretty good at tolerating the emotional waves of a preteen, but on vacation? Really? We paid for this. We planned it for months. I hoped for — no, I expected — gratitude. But reminders that we were at Disney and that her father and I expected more from her and her brothers fell on deaf ears.
That afternoon I found an opening to sneak away with her. As we sat with some ice cream, I told her, "It's ok to be sad at Disney." She exhaled and said, "Thank you." The permission gave her relief.
Courtesy of Rachael Fritz.
Our family left with more than memories
At the airport on our way home, my daughter pulled me aside and said, "Thank you for this trip. It was a lot of fun, and I know you spent a lot of time and money on it."
So, as our vacation came to an end, my appreciation wasn't only for the big, magical moments, but for the typical, human, and sometimes messy moments, too. We left with memories and lessons that would last. Everything is a little easier when we remember: You get what you get, three things will go wrong, and it's ok to be sad at Disney.