I don’t want to throw it at the wall

Morning all.

I don’t know if this happened, but it wouldn’t surprise if me if Mikel Arteta gave the players a couple of days off after the Man City game. On some level if might sound counter-intuitive because we still have so much to play for, but on the other it makes sense. One thing I’ve said often about this team is that we can debate aspects of its quality, but never its application.

I genuinely can’t remember the last time I looked at Arsenal and thought there was any lack of effort or commitment. If we’re tired just looking at it, I can imagine after a long season thus far the players must be feeling the strain. Some more than others, to be fair, because there has been a heavier burden on certain individuals, but I think there must also be a kind of mental fatigue to consider. So, a day or two to decompress and refocus would probably be very useful.

When I wrote yesterday’s blog, the final section about ‘What if we don’t do it this season?’ is one that could have added another 1500 words, at a conservative estimate. With a World Cup this summer truncating pre-season for one, and elongating a gruelling campaign for some of our lads, I do have concerns about how quickly we can go again next August. Whether we win something or nothing, there will be knock-on effects next season to varying degrees. Again though, that discussion can wait.

I will say this, and I don’t always get personal on here, I also feel exhausted by this season. Let me be clear: I recognise this as the most first world problem there could possibly be. My very good football team only has the opportunity to win the two biggest prizes in the game as of April 22nd. And my job, being the luckiest man alive, is to write and talk about that. What a nightmare! But it doesn’t make it any less true.

In previous years we had nothing to play for at all at this point, or we had a different kind of stress as we scrapped for some kind of European football for the following season. As I said on the Arsecast Extra on Monday, ‘This is what we all wanted’. To be competitive. To be fighting for the title and the Champions League. So why does it feel like such a chore? In part because this is attempt number 4. Here’s a slightly tortured analogy for you: it’s a bit like playing a video game where at the end you have to fight the boss, the biggest, baddest, hardest foe in the game. All the way through you’ve leveled up, you have the skills, you have the weapons, but each time he gets the better of you.

After a few attempts/failures, it can get really frustrating. You want to throw the controller at the wall. There’s also this thing they do where you beat the boss down to a tiny bit of health, and then for reasons that can only be to drive you out of what’s left of your tiny little mind, there’s a lightning strike which restores their health bar to full while you have about 6% left. That’s kinda what this season feels like to me.

There’s no novelty of reaching that point like there was in 2022-23; we came so close in 2023-24 but that final boss beat us by a single point and we had to try again; and last season our attempt was valiant but we were ultimately well beaten. Now, here we are again. We missed an easy chance to deplete the evil adversary, and they countered with their special move which has left us reeling.

It’s a sense of cumulative fatigue, tinged with desperation, because after coming so close I want it so badly. For me, for all of you, for the players, the manager, everyone associated with the club. I don’t want us to be known as nearly men. In the world we live in right now, everything is so polarised that we lose sight of the fact that to do what we’ve done for the last few years, you have to be really, really good. But if you don’t win anything, you’re labelled a failure. Middle ground and nuance don’t apply, just the end result. And I get it, that’s how it works at the top level of sport. I understand even if I don’t completely agree, but that only adds to the exhaustion.

When I sat down to write this, I was going to make the point about how the players might get a day off so I’m going to take a day off too because I feel like I need it. And nearly 800 words later I’m still writing. Perhaps I’m just a glutton for punishment, or maybe I just don’t know what else to do, so getting it out there could be helpful or cathartic. I’ll let you know in due course.

The final thing I’ll say today is that while – as hard as I try – I cannot shake the sense that over the last few weeks we’ve let a fantastic opportunity to keep Man City at arm’s length slip, I did feel better when I heard Tim Stillman talk about what remains of this season on the ArsenalVision Podcast. He likened it to a playoff, which I think is how I need to view it too.

Continuing the theme of tortured analogies, we’re the golfer who had two shot lead coming down the 18th and hacked our way to a double-bogey. Now, we have to just wipe that disappointment from our minds, discard the ‘What ifs’ and ‘If onlys’ and just go out and perform again. I don’t know if we can do it, but that is the reality of our situation. Football, golf, all the sports you can think of, are full of stories of teams and players who looked like they’d blown it but found a way to dig deep, to counter the odds and prevailing wisdom that it was all over, and make it happen.

Let’s be one of those. I don’t want to throw the controller at the wall. Over to you, Arsenal.

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