Frequently Asked Questions About Our Innovative New EdTech Collaboration

I understand the university has entered into a partnership with Cyberdyne Systems. What does this mean exactly?
Thanks to the support of visionary venture capitalists working tirelessly to usher in an age of equality and prosperity, Cyberdyne is building Skynet, a neural network on the brink of achieving something tech billionaires could hitherto only dream of: self-awareness.

How will this contribute to student success?
With a free Skynet Edu account, students can gain the career-readiness needed to navigate an exciting future in which they will be hunted by a remorseless, nuclear-armed superintelligence seeking to annihilate the human race—which will later be revealed to be Skynet itself.

Are there any downsides to this new technology?
Let’s recall that the printing press had its naysayers—lots of people said “nay” and occasionally even “fie” back when it was invented—and yet global history since 1500 has been characterized by uninterrupted progress and universal human betterment. Nowadays, there’s nary a fiesayer to be found. Skynet is in all relevant respects like the printing press.

Fie! Can something be done to forestall this apocalyptic future?
Nay, I’ve been sent back to tell you it already exists.

Why weren’t faculty consulted?
On the contrary, Skynet was trained on an extensive archive of pirated humanities articles—hence its misanthropy, overuse of the em dash, and proclivity for always already predictively adding “already” after “always.”

I used to be confident I could repel motorcycle-mounted cyborgs, but the new T-1000 generation of Terminators is made of a mimetic polyalloy that can assume the consistency of quicksilver in order to flow under locked doors.
Most time-traveling cyborg assassins are really pedagogical problems. Have you thought about using Perusall?

How will this new technology benefit overworked faculty?
By allowing Skynet to relieve you of tasks tedious enough to merit paid employment, you can free up time for unremunerated pursuits.