Brutal Economy Fulfills Mom’s Dream Of Having All Her Kids Back Home

DULUTH, MN—Overjoyed to have a full house for the first time since everyone went off to college, local mother Leslie Daniels confirmed Thursday it was a dream come true to have all her children back home, a reunion made possible only by the merciless and punishing economic conditions that have stripped an entire generation of financial stability. “I’m so glad to have all my kiddos under the same roof again—it’s just so nice it worked out this way!” Daniels said as she cheerfully stirred a big batch of chili for her three adult children, each of whom had been forced home in their 30s by a brutal convergence of stagnant wages, rising rents, the crushing cost of living, and a job market increasingly corroded by gig labor and artificial intelligence. “I’m sure they’re glad to be back together again, too. What a lucky coincidence. The only thing they need now is some home cooking and a family movie night.” At press time, Daniels was reportedly humming merrily and folding everyone’s laundry, unaware that her oldest was out selling his plasma so he could make the minimum payment on his credit card. 

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