Messy Hospitality, Party Ideas, and Icebreakers
Like many of you, I’m guessing, I’d rather read a good book than go to a party. A room full of other people? Some of them strangers? That you have to talk to? Shudder.
But after the initial awkwardness of making sure you’re at the right location (do I knock or just walk in?), finding the drinks station, and breaking into a circle of conversation, I remember that I do actually like people. I love hearing the happy noises people make when they see each other after a long time, the joy and affection on their faces, the genuine laughter even at goofy jokes.
Throwing a party can be even more intimidating than attending one. In the spirit of encouraging more gatherings, I’d like to share some ideas I’ve tried myself or enjoyed at other people’s parties. And I’d love to hear yours.
For starters, embrace the concept of “messy hospitality.” Your friends won’t care if the house is a little shabby. If they’re that judgy, they don’t deserve to be your friends. As long as the kitchen is clear of food-borne pathogens and you’ve decluttered enough for people to find a place to sit themselves and their snacks down, it’s fine.
You don’t have to try something novel. As Prior Walter says in Angels in America, “It’s something you learn after your second theme party: It’s All Been Done Before.” Last summer, some neighbors held an old-school ice cream social on their back porch. They bought big tubs of inexpensive ice cream and placed them in bowls of ice to stay cold. They put out a bunch of toppings: sprinkles, Magic Shell, peanuts, walnuts, M&Ms, maraschino cherries, whipped cream. I brought over some rhubarb sauce and other neighbors brought brownies. The party was full of people I don’t know other than to wave to, but the adults bonded over enjoying treats we hadn’t had in years (turns out you’re never too old for Magic Shell), and the kids ran around in sugar-fueled joy, mingling across ages and social cliques.
Food, of course, is a great focus for a party. Especially fun food. During a rough patch when I was in my 20s, a friend threw me a chocolate fondue party for my birthday. (You can call it “fun-do.”) Everything is funny when you’re waving fondue forks around, skewering (and dropping) bits of bread and fruit, and high on chocolate. It fixed me.
I threw a soup party over the winter, when it was dark and miserable out and we all needed some warmth and solidarity. The trick with any indoor party is finding enough places for people to sit down and eat. But you can get around that if you serve hand-held food, so people can circulate while eating and aren’t tied to one spot at the dining room table. I encouraged people to ladle soup into mugs, which they can hold by the handle and walk around with. I have somehow accumulated enough mugs to start a diner, so they could start with one kind of soup and then pick up a different mug (or rinse one out, because messy hospitality is fine) to try another. I cooked three kinds of soup (minestrone, squash, and wild rice in solidarity with Minneapolis) and made it “fancy” (not that fancy) by putting out oyster crackers, pomegranate seeds, toasted nuts, and herbs to sprinkle on top. The ingredients were inexpensive (the pomegranate seeds were on sale), and I chopped a lot of vegetables, which is cathartic these days.
Some friends threw an anniversary party featuring The Newlywed Game. It was delightful! They were celebrating their 25th, and they invited two other couples (one pair together 50 years and the other I think 5) to compete against them. One member of each pair would leave the room while the host asked the remaining one a question about the other, then they switched places, and the couple who knew each other the best wins. (The 50-year couple won.)
For a kids’ party, buy a bunch of inexpensive birdhouses at a crafts store (not Hobby Lobby, please) and some paint, put out a bunch of XL T-shirts they can use as smocks, cover the floors if they’re indoors, and let them paint away and take home their birdhouse. (Bonus: You’re recruiting them to become birdwatchers.)
For a mixed-age party, games are a great ice-breaker. I have a yard large enough for badminton, and it’s a perfect party game. It’s easy to learn, nobody’s that good at it (or the good ones control their urge to smash), and everybody laughs while they’re circling around and generally missing the birdie. Real badminton has rules, but backyard badminton shouldn’t observe them. Let as many people play as possible, and there’s no such thing as out of bounds, at least until somebody bumps into the drinks station.
A good theme for bookish friends is a poetry party. Everybody who wants to participate in the poetry part (no pressure if you don’t) brings a favorite poem, ideally one that’s funny and/or not too long, and takes turns reading theirs aloud. (Try Litany, by Billy Collins.)
If your home isn’t big enough or you’d rather not have people over, you can reserve a picnic pavilion at most local parks. They typically have decent grills. Bring charcoal, paper plates, and the basics of a meal, or make it a potluck. You never know what you’ll get at a potluck, but worst case scenario, everybody bakes brownies and you eat yourselves silly on brownies.
You can organize a group walk as a moveable party. Invite friends on a museum outing (it’s harder to talk in a large group, but you’ll fission-fusion*). Ask people to join you for trivia night at a local brewpub. Remember that in trivia, as in most things, the best teams have people with a mix of ages, backgrounds, and interests.
As I said, I’d love to hear your ideas for easy, welcoming, messy-is-fine parties. So much is wrong right now. We have to remind one another of what is right, what is possible, what we can do together. And it’s easier to build solidarity when you have a full stomach, new or renewed friendships, and cheeks sore from laughing.
*Last Word on Nothing posts can be about basically anything as long as there’s some science. That’s my smidgen of science.
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