What Loving Someone Really Looks Like, Because It’s Not All Sex, Dinners, And Roses

Loving someone is letting them dump all their shit on you anytime they need to. Not because you’re an emotional punching bag, but because you both silently agreed to be there for one another, through the highs and the lows. It’s about being stronger than usual when your partner is feeling a little fragile, and doing whatever you need to pull them through this turbulent moment. So it doesn’t matter where you are or what’s going on, you show up for your person because you promised that you would.

Loving someone is seeing all of their flaws, quirks, and frustrating habits, and learning to love those just as much as all the attractive things you first fell in love with. Because there is no perfect, and when we let go of our need for it, we can embrace the whole of someone.

Loving someone is spending three hours cooking them a curry from scratch. Grinding spices, chopping vegetables, and stirring and tasting until you’ve created an explosion of love and nourishment in a bubbling pot on the stove. Not because you necessarily enjoy cooking, or you want to impress them, but because you want to take care of them. You want them to go to sleep at night with that content, yummy feeling in their belly.

Loving someone is about letting go of what happened in the past, and living fully in today. Forgiving each other for what you said or didn’t say, for old wounds and mindless mistakes. Because you know that clinging on will only add fuel to rage and fury – neither of which belong in a space of love.

Loving someone is being the steady hand to pick them up when they fall over, cleaning their scrapes and cuts out, and making sure no permanent damage was done. And giving them the confidence to raise their head high and walk boldly on, without worrying who might’ve seen them tumble.

Loving someone means growing – as individuals, and a couple. It’s trying crazy new things that scared you a year ago, and pushing yourself to be better people than you were yesterday, and challenging each other to reach higher than you ever dreamed you could. It’s saying, I see what you just did and I’m insanely proud of you, but I dare you to leap further, because I fucking believe in you and your magic, and it’s about time you did too.

Loving someone is being open with your heart, even when it hurts. It’s telling them how you feel at any given moment, without fear of being judged or causing pain. Because you know how suffocating it is when you hold things in, and how liberating it is to release. So the both of you just let it all out and deal with whatever comes up.

Loving someone is being grateful for them every damn day. Even those days where your world is turning upside down, inside out, and it leaves your head spinning. Especially on those days. Because you get to go home to this person, and snuggle under the duvet with them, and wake up to another sunrise with them. And do you have any idea how many people wish they could have that too? So remember to hug them, to kiss them, and to tell them they are loved, often.

Loving someone is taking care of them when they’re sick. Stroking their hair while they’re throwing up, bringing them glasses of water in bed, and coming in to check on them every hour just in case. It’s not wanting to leave their side when they’re in hospital, even if you haven’t showered or slept in days. And it’s holding everything together in their absence, even when your heart might be quietly trembling.

To love someone, and I mean really love someone, is to love them on the hardest of days. When the odds are stacked against you. When neither of you is in your finest hour.

This is what loving someone really looks like. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.