Nabbing the Worst Of the Worst Strawberry Sellers

After much stellar trolling of "THE LOWEST POLLING PRESIDENT IN RECENT HISTORY" with "NEW, MORE BEAUTIFUL MAPS" that will end his reign - "YOU WON’T LIKE IT!!" - Gavin Newson, "AMERICA’S FAVORITE GOVERNOR!!" urged California voters to support vital redistricting at a presser promptly crashed - bullies gonna bully - by armed, masked ICE thugs sent by the presiding "WEAK LITTLE MAN!!!” Still, Newsom declared, "We will not be complicit." The thugs, "making L.A. safer," arrested one worker. SAD.

Newsom's appearance at L.A.'s Japanese American National Museum, in the city's Little Tokyo neighborhood, was to unveil a new initiative asking California voters to approve early Congressional redistricting in a November special election aimed at offsetting a sleazy ploy by Texas Republicans to eliminate five Democratic seats in next year's elections. Directly warning Trump, "You have poked the bear, and we will punch back," Newsom said his Election Rigging Response Act would in turn target five House GOP seats in his state if Texas goes ahead with its morally dubious, possibly illegal move, allowing Californians to temporarily redraw their Congressional map before ultimately returning that authority to the independent commission it's long used for the task.

Leading up to his own theatrical, unprecedented, expedient proposal, Newsom - or his brilliant media team led by Camille Zapata - undertook a savage campaign mocking the dark bluster and lowbrow idiocy of the mad king himself in his many gonzo diatribes. "DONALD TRUMP, IF YOU DO NOT STAND DOWN, WE WILL BE FORCED TO LEAD AN EFFORT TO REDRAW THE MAPS IN CA TO OFFSET THE RIGGING OF MAPS IN RED STATES," his office screeched online. "THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!" Then, praise for "CALIFORNIA’S BEAUTIFUL MAPS. PEOPLE ARE SAYING THEY ARE THE GREATEST MAPS EVER CREATED — EVEN BETTER THAN CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS...THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.”

Then, “DONALD TRUMP, THE LOWEST POLLING PRESIDENT IN RECENT HISTORY, THIS IS YOUR SECOND-TO-LAST WARNING!!!" followed by the helpful clarifier for history's dumbest president, "(THE NEXT ONE IS THE LAST ONE!).” Then, "DONALD 'TACO' TRUMP, AS MANY CALL HIM, 'MISSED' THE DEADLINE!!! CALIFORNIA WILL NOW DRAW NEW, MORE 'BEAUTIFUL MAPS,' (that will end his PRESIDENCY when DEMS TAKE BACK THE HOUSE!!) YOU WILL NOT LIKE IT! THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!" And, "PRESS CONFERENCE COMING — HOSTED BY AMERICA’S FAVORITE GOVERNOR, GAVIN NEWSOM. HISTORY WILL BE MADE. Newsom even stole Trump's, and Ice Barbie's, favorite, outlandish name, calling it, "LIBERATION DAY FOR AMERICA."

In his speech, Newsom skipped the comedy to gravely address marks, the "serious moment" facing America. "We're here with the clarity of our purpose and conviction, to recognize that we need to reconcile the world we’re living in," he said. "We do have agency. We can shape the future, and that’s what we intend to do." Citing Trump's Jan. 6th attempt to "light Democracy on fire," he noted, "Here he is again, trying to rig the system" by demanding a Texas governor ‘find me five seats'...He doesn't play by a different set of rules - he doesn’t believe in the rules. As a consequence, we need to disabuse ourselves of the way things have been done, (and) meet fire with fire." At this key juncture, he declared, "We will not be complicit." In other words, many cheered, "He brought a gun to a gunfight."

It remains unclear how successful his bold, rare redistricting move will be: Polls suggest less than 40% of voters support returning that authority to state lawmakers, and a majority is needed to pass a statewide ballot initiative. But at least one member of the commission urged voters to "set aside the good work of California" as a "one-time occurrence" to address the current crisis. And at the launch, Newson was flanked by Dem allies who likewise urged action, including Sen. Alex Padilla, who in June was assaulted and handcuffed for trying to ask a question at another presser held by ICE.Barbie. Given the repressive times, he again pointedly asked voters, "Are we ready to stand up for our democracy?"

The event might have been largely dismissed as a symbolic launch if its fragile, thin-skinned schoolyard bully of a target hadn't again overplayed his hand and, demonstrating his usual lack of strategy or subtlety, sent in a beefy battalion of masked, armed, camoed, rifle-and-zip-tie-toting goons to hulk outside in clumsy bunches looking alternately scary, dumbfounded, overdressed and comic-book-villainous. The San Francisco Chronicle proclaimed they'd "crashed" the event led by Border Patrol Chief Gregory Bovino, famously last seen pointlessly sweeping MacArthur Park for imaginary bad guys. "We’re here making Los Angeles a safer place," he snarled. "Since we don’t have politicians who will do that, we do it ourselves.”

Bovino claimed he had no idea the governor was in the building behind him, insisting the action was part of "routine roving patrols" - which have, in fact, already been struck down as unconstitutional "racial profiling" by multiple courts and may now go to SCOTUS. But meh, who needs the law: One MAGA moron freaked out at the audacity of the wholly aimless venture with, "HOLY SHT Bovino just EXPOSED Gavin Newscum right outside his venue: ABSOLUTE MIC DROP." Newsom was less impressed, calling the move "sick and pathetic." Who sends thugs, he asked: "Someone who is weak, who's broken," whose weakness is masquerading as authoritarian strength. "You think it's coincidental?” Newsom asked. "Wake up, America.”

Meanwhile, his team kept trolling: "BORDER PATROL HAS SHOWED UP AT OUR BIG BEAUTIFUL PRESS CONFERENCE! WE WILL NOT BE INTIMIDATED!" Mayor Bass charged a regime that's "run amok" and is "the source of the disorder" came to "thumb their nose in front of the governor’s face.” Kristi Noem, simultaneously live on Fox, defended the "in your face" move, blathering ICE operations are "built on information, on investigative work. Remember, we're focusing on the worst of the worst. So I don’t know specific to what information that they had for that operation but it was based on the investigative work that all law enforcement officers do for every single operation they conduct" - to uncover, lest we forget, "the worst of the worst."

Ultimately, Bovino said, "We did make an apprehension of one person." Video shows a short brown guy in jeans and t-shirt, hands cuffed behind him, being hauled away by several thugs as Bovino slaps the back of one and says, "Well done, brother." Around them, fellow residents of the city Bovino says he's keeping "safer" loudly express their gratitude. People in cars are furiously honking and yelling "Fuck you!"; people on the sidewalk are filming and screaming, "They are arresting our people!", "What the fuck is wrong with you?", "Where is your warrant?", "Go arrest criminals!", "These are working people!", "Fucking cowards!" and "Fucking fascists go home!" Their victim: "Angel was just doing his normal delivery," said his friend Carlos. “It’s pretty sad, because I’ve got to go to work tomorrow and Angel isn’t going to be there.” They were selling strawberries.

Later, amidst widespread outrage and mockery of Trump's "stupid" authoritarian moves, Newsom's account was still churning. "DONALD IS FINISHED...FIRST THE HANDS (SO TINY) AND NOW ME — GAVIN C. NEWSOM — HAVE TAKEN AWAY HIS 'STEP.' MANY ARE SAYING HE CAN’T EVEN DO THE “BIG STAIRS” ON AIR FORCE ONE ANYMORE — USES THE LITTLE BABY STAIRS NOW. SAD!...YOU’RE WELCOME FOR LIBERATION DAY, AMERICA!" On Friday, a new tack. "MANY PEOPLE ARE SAYING — AND I AGREE — THAT I, GAVIN C. NEWSOM (AMERICA’S FAVORITE GOVERNOR) DESERVE THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE. WHY? BECAUSE OF THE “MOST INCREDIBLE MAPS IN THE HISTORY OF MAPPING” (EVEN COLUMBUS)...PEACE THROUGH MAPS — NO ONE HAS EVER THOUGHT OF THIS BEFORE..THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!"

"The devil, the prowde spirit...cannot endure to be mocked." - Thomas More