Wednesday Recap: Looking Camp Right in the Eye
Wednesday is determined to get Goody’s book back, but her mother knows all her daughter’s tricks. So, no, the book is not hidden in the trunk where she used to stash her Día de los Muertos presents. Wednesday caves and tells her mom about her latest visions, which are described, yet again, for the benefit of the worst of us (people who have been on their phones for the entirety of the past two episodes). Morticia knows that Wednesday is looking for an Avian but reminds her daughter, as a fellow psychic, that her visions are “unreliable.” This would hold much more water if Wednesday’s visions had ever actually been unreliable before! Wednesday’s response is, essentially, this classic post.
Though Morticia continues to warn Wednesday that Goody’s book will lead her down a treacherous path — and that she, Morticia, will not fail her daughter as her own mother failed Ophelia — Wednesday is unmoved.
Sans powers, Wednesday is forced to investigate like a mere mortal. She is still refusing to tell Enid about her visions, which I’m sure will go over just swimmingly when Enid finds out about her starring role in them! Agnes, the Invisigirl with haunted Labubu energy, is here to prove her value to her hero. Wednesday decides to allow Agnes to be useful, as she does have some clever ideas, like using a shape-shifter to unlock Galpin’s phone with Face ID. Still, the inclusion of Agnes naturally enrages Enid. I am pretty sure that by the end of the season these girls will be a triad, in keeping with the laws of teen content that require each friend group to have one brunette, one blonde, and one redhead.
Armed with new intel, Wednesday figures out that the “bullpen” where Carl the PI’s evidence is stashed is a cabin in the woods — which, what do you know, is just a brisk hike away from the campground where the Nevermore camping trip is taking place. Looks like Wednesday will be participating in a school activity after all.
Slurp returned to the shed of his own free will after eating the brains of the driver’s ed instructor (RIP). Pugsley is thrilled to see his creature come alive (less undead?). Eugene knows a zombie when he sees one, but Pugsley says not to use “the Z-word.” Is creating a zombie by electrocuting the ground beneath a haunted tree the solution to the male loneliness epidemic?? And: What is he going to do with Slurp during the Nevermore camping trip? Wow, even Outcasts struggle to find reliable child care. Relatable!
Wednesday makes an appearance at Galpin’s funeral, which has exactly two other attendees: Sheriff Santiago and Dr. Fairburn. After almost zero wheedling, Fairburn gives Wednesday some real dirt: Galpin visited Tyler once, and the interaction enraged Tyler beyond anything the doctor had ever seen before. Also: There are no Avian patients at Willow Hill. So let’s review the top contenders for Wednesday’s Avian stalker (not to be confused with her young stalker, Agnes): Not a Willow Hill patient, but someone who knows their way around the area; not a Normie, but could be an off-the-books Outcast. I feel like Principal Dort is out; he’s been otherwise engaged during these attacks, which also seem to undermine whatever he’s trying to do at Nevermore. And Fairborn seems pro-Wednesday to me. But we have some new adults who are too well cast to not get more to do. In order of how much I suspect them: Miss Capri, who we’ve already seen take a special interest in Wednesday; Judi, whose huggable sweaters and jellybean jars are honestly more ominous to me than anything outwardly spooky seeming; Dr. Orloff, though I don’t know if you can be an Avian when you are also a head in a jar; Thornhill, somehow?!?
Just in case you wanted to keep track of even more vaguely named institutions, we’re going to the Inn at Apple Hollow, where Bianca’s mom is living/hiding. This was one of those plots from last season that was sort of convoluted and irrelevant to the main proceedings, so don’t worry if you don’t remember it; I barely did: Bianca’s mom married this guy, Gideon, who ran a cult named MorningSong, and who likely only married a Siren so he could use her to scam people out of their money. Bianca used her siren powers to get the Feds to raid the MorningSong compound; she also has evidence of Gideon’s fraud. Not really sure what any of that has to do with anything we care about. Maybe it’ll all come together later on?
Miss Capri saves Enid from Ajax’s perfectly reasonable attempts to have a conversation with his almost-ex — just break up with him already! — and vents about how it was a bad idea to schedule the camping trip during a full moon. This is either sloppy writing or a red herring, because literally nothing comes of this warning.
Welcome to Camp Jericho! Pugs has brought Slurp with him in a giant vampire coffin, but Wednesday is too distracted to care. Both her parents are here as chaperones, much to her horror. Just as Principal Dolt is cheering about Camp Outcast — no cell phones and no Normies! — he is interrupted by a pack of off-brand Boy Scouts who, due to a clerical error, booked the campsite for the same night. Somehow, despite neither group having anticipated this conflict, they are prepared with all the tools they need for an elaborate round of Capture the Flag, the winner of which will get to keep the campsite for themselves.
Personally, I would not attempt to battle in the woods with a bunch of teens with superpowers; the whole dynamic between Normies and Outcasts continues to baffle me. Then again, the ease with which our Outcasts are thwarted by their mere mortal counterparts — seriously, you can’t “siren” someone with headphones on? It’s that easy? Why even bother with the Corinthian coral? — is embarrassing for everyone involved. Also (sorry, one last mean thing, I swear), the Enid and Bruno wolf run looks … extremely silly. Even sillier than “as if you could outrun me,” the sort of high-water mark for this particular style of silly.
Also: What’s the deal with their coordinating T-shirts? Why does Wednesday have an “Ophelia” shirt, and why does Bianca’s say “Puck”? I get that we’re referencing Shakespeare characters, but these shirts are never explained or even acknowledged … cool!
As you surely expected, Wednesday manages to win the whole thing for Team Outcast. Congratulations to Wednesday, the girl who never loses anything involving her classmates. While Miss Capri and Morticia harmonize on a campfire-side rendition of “Bad Moon Rising” (again nothing happens with the moon though?!) with Bruno on guitar and Ajax in his own personal hell, Wednesday hikes out to the bullpen. She discovers a collection of Outcast obituaries, all Willow Hill patients, written beneath the name Lois. Wednesday tries to have a vision, but her gift has abandoned her; she decides she must get Goody’s book back.
Morticia tells Principal Dort that her mother — who Morticia describes as “manipulative” — didn’t even take her call. Tough break for Dort. Ajax finally confronts Enid over her lousy treatment of him, and she admits her feelings have changed. She also says, word for word, what she said to Wednesday earlier in this episode — “I just didn’t expect things with Bruno to heat up so fast” — which is sort of giving me written-by-ChatGPT energy. Don’t love that. Very unintentionally hilarious on Ajax’s part to say that he liked her more when she was insecure. I’m glad she’s moving on. The cadets, who were ordered by their captain (or whoever he is) to steal the campsite back, overhear all of this. They decide to revolt against their leader, who in turn trips the bottle rockets Pugsley set up to alert him to Slurp’s attempted escape. Slurp eats the cadet captain’s brains.
Meanwhile, Wednesday challenges her mother to “el duelo-a-ciegas”: a blindfold duel. Gomez is delighted at the prospect of mother and daughter settling their feud with a friendly sword fight in the woods. If Wednesday wins — by shattering her mother’s glass heart — she gets Goody’s book; if Morticia wins, she will burn Goody’s book. Girl, your mom was a fencing champion! And this is not her first sword fight! So it is no surprise that, for once, Wednesday actually loses.
As Wednesday is otherwise engaged, Agnes the Invisigirl pops up in Pugsley’s tent to inform him that she is “proving myself to your sister by handling her low-priority tasks. Like keeping you alive.” Freshly nourished, Slurp takes an ax up to the showers where Gomez is singing and scrubbing away; he initially mistakes Slurp’s licking and stabbing for some hot ax-and-tongue play from his wife. Pugs arrives to electrocute Slurp just in time, but now their secret is out and so is Slurp. Just as Wednesday loses her duel, she recovers and sends her sword straight through Slurp’s new brain. Bye, Slurp! (He lives but gets carted away on a gurney.)
So Wednesday leaves the woods with more questions than answers. Who is Lois? (Is Lois even a name? Feels like we are being led to believe Lois is a person when it could just as easily be a place, yet another institution for Outcasts, an acronym, a code, etc.) What does any of this have to do with Enid? Wednesday thinks all roads lead to Willow Hill, where a new transfer just arrived: Welcome back, Thornhill! Great crazy eyes from Christina Ricci. Why have just one Wednesday when we could have two?