Skinny rejection is real – my mates dumped me after I lost 5 stone, they were threatened by my new sexy size 8 body
FOLDING her washing on a Friday night, Becca-Jayne Goddard’s eyes fill with tears as she glances at her calendar.
A date is circled with a smiley face added — a reminder of a friend’s pre-Christmas get-together at a local pub.
“It was a catch-up with the girls and I was really looking forward to it,” says the former childcare assistant.
“I’d bought a new black, bodycon catsuit from Primark, knee-high boots from Next and a cool jacket from Vinted.
“A few years ago I’d have covered up in a shapeless dress but I wanted to show off my figure after losing 5st 5lb through gastric sleeve surgery.
“I thought a few wines with the girls would be great fun.”
But instead of heading out to enjoy drinks with her mates, Becca-Jayne, 32, who is married to James, 32, an accounts manager, decided to stay home, sensing her company may no longer be wanted.
Over the past six months, ever since the mum-of-three dropped from a size 18 to an eight, women she once considered close friends have made her feel increasingly isolated.
Becca-Jayne, from Ramsgate, Kent, says she fell from favour after her £3,700 op in Turkey in July.
‘Pounds lighter should not mean pals lighter’
At 5ft 1in and 13st 9lb, she had a body mass index of 36, putting her in the obese category.
She was desperately unhappy but a weight-loss op in the UK was not an option.
“The NHS refused to give me one as I didn’t hit their BMI target of 40,” says Becca-Jayne, who is mum to Caitlin, 13, Skylar, eight, and Holly-Jayne, three.
“So James and I decided I should have the surgery overseas, as it was cheaper. I was nervous because of all the horror stories about things going wrong, but I couldn’t walk upstairs without getting breathless.
“We researched carefully — and then, after telling only family, I flew to Turkey and had the operation.”
I thought my friends would be happy for me too, but I immediately sensed a change
Becca-Jayne
The procedure to remove 75 per cent of her stomach went well and within a week Becca-Jayne was home.
“Slowly I learned to eat just the right amount of food each day, having a small cup of porridge for breakfast and a toddler-size bowl of chicken with vegetables for dinner.
“Within a month I’d lost a stone. I now weigh 8st 5lb, have more energy and am exercising daily. James loves my new look and I am more confident in the bedroom, so our sex life has improved too.”
But not everyone was pleased.
“I thought my friends would be happy for me too, but I immediately sensed a change,” she says.
“Olivia, who I bonded with while pregnant, and talked to about breastfeeding and sickly babies, stopped messaging me. Jan stopped inviting me to after-school park dates.
“And Tanya*, who I met at a sports day, began ignoring me.”
Becca-Jayne says when she revealed that she had been abroad for gastric sleeve surgery, her friends appeared shocked.
“I discovered from a supportive pal that some people had labelled me a ‘weight-loss cheat’ and ‘lazy’ for not joining a gym,” she says.
“That really stung.”
When Becca-Jayne started dressing in more figure-hugging clothes, she felt a target of gossip with some fearing she was out for a new man.
“I previously wore ‘mumsy’ outfits, suddenly I was buying sexy clothes — not for men, but for me,” she says.
“One pal said she believed other women were worried I’d steal their husbands, even though James is the only man for me.
“Others apparently accused me of being full of myself and said I no longer fitted in. I felt shunned and it often left me in tears.”
Becca-Jayne first struggled with her weight after giving birth to Caitlin at 17.
Before she was pregnant, she was a size 10 and 9st 5lb, but her weight went up to 14st during pregnancy.
In November 2013, aged 20, she met James through friends and the pair started dating.
He proposed in 2014.
“When I walked up the aisle, I was five months pregnant,” she says.
“Since then, I have battled to lose baby weight and to feel confident.”
Over the past decade, Becca-Jayne has tried WeightWatchers, the cabbage soup diet, Slimming World and working out at the gym but says: “I’m 5ft 1in and had been a size 16 to 18 for the past ten years. I hid my body beneath A-line dresses and baggy jumpers.
Rather than cheer me on when I arrived in my new tight jeans and bodycon top, I felt they were sneering at me
Becca-Jayne
“I’m so proud of my weight loss that I’ve documented it on social media. Every single negative comment is from a woman. I’ve been told I am a bad influence and have taken the ‘easy way out’.
“I’ve felt gaslighted, humiliated and naive for not realising some women may have only wanted me around as I made them look slimmer.
“Skinny rejection is real and I am stunned.
“Luckily, my husband is proud of me and loves me no matter what size I am.”
But Becca-Jayne has lost confidence since being shunned, saying: “Rather than cheer me on when I arrived in my new tight jeans and bodycon top, I felt they were sneering at me. Some days, I feel so alone, and missing the Christmas get-together was so painful.
“Being thinner doesn’t make me a different person. Pounds lighter should not mean pals lighter.”
*Some names have been changed
What are the risks of getting surgery abroad?
IT'S important to do your research if you're thinking about having cosmetic surgery abroad.
It can cost less than in the UK, but you need to weigh up potential savings against the potential risks.
Safety standards in different countries may not be as high.
No surgery is risk-free. Complications can happen after surgery in the UK or abroad.
If you have complications after an operation in the UK, the surgeon is responsible for providing follow-up treatment.
Overseas clinics may not provide follow-up treatment, or they may not provide it to the same standard as in the UK.
Also, they may not have a healthcare professional in the UK you can visit if you have any problems.
Source: NHS