Harriette Cole: Nobody bothered to check on me despite what I told them
DEAR HARRIETTE: For the past few years, I have been getting together for dinner with a few other women with whom I used to work.
When the first woman left for a new job, another woman started a text group so we could all stay in touch. That same woman organizes a dinner a few times per year. That is basically the only communication among the group. None of us work together anymore, and I have been away from that company for a couple of years.
Over the last year or two, it has become clear that the original organizer is the only one who is interested in continuing these get-togethers. We basically never communicate unless she is setting up dinner.
I recently went through a stressful life event. In the middle of that, one of these dinner invites came out. I responded to the group with a brief explanation of what was going on and said I would not be available for a couple of months while I worked through this.
The fact that nobody reached out to check on me confirmed that it was time for me to move on from this group, but how do I do that?
If I remove myself from the text group, everyone gets a notification that I’ve left. I have nothing against these women, it’s just clear to me that this chapter is over.
I’m tempted to just stop following the chat, but that seems rude. Can you recommend how I can step away from this situation?
— Ready To Move On
DEAR READY TO MOVE ON: If you are ready to close this chapter of your life and you want to do it graciously, you can send a note to the group chat thanking them for being a source of comfort over the years and adding that you are now moving on. Wish them the best of luck in their lives, and leave the chat. If anyone wants to be in touch with you, they should be able to reach you.
There is nothing bad about ending a chapter of your life. Do it with dignity and move forward.
Your action may spark some of the group members to rethink their involvement. Friendships do not always last a lifetime, and that’s all right.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Your advice to the gardener who was causing issues with their neighbors, “Gardening Neighbor Trouble,” was very helpful, but they may also want to see if they have a community garden area near them.
This would give them a good place to have a garden, either flowers or produce, and possibly a chance to meet other people who share the same interests.
— Here To Help
DEAR HERE TO HELP: Thank you for your advice. The community garden is a perfect way to support someone who enjoys the gardening experience — with like-minded people. I trust that anyone reading this will look at community bulletin boards and at gardening centers to discover such an organization in their town.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.