My mother and I were still estranged when she died in 2019. I went to a medium to connect with her and it brought me closure.

• When my mother died in 2019, we were estranged.
• I've always had a spiritual side and decided to book a session with a medium to connect with her.
• The reading brought me closure.

I've always embraced my "woo-woo" side. As a proud crystal enthusiast and a 20-something looking to explore my spiritual side, I'm all in when it comes to tarot readings and mystical experiences. So when my estranged mother died in early 2019, it was only natural for me to explore an unconventional path: hiring a medium to reach out to her from the other side.

For a while, finding the right medium was a challenge. I wanted someone who was reputable but not impossible to book, and most of the people I was finding seemed like a gimmick or didn't showcase their unique talent on social media.

That changed last year when I stumbled upon Amie Balesky on TikTok. Balesky is a spiritual medium with over 3 million followers on the platform. Her bio says she's been "Helping Spirits & People since 1995." Her page is filled with clips of virtual readings, where she connects people with their lost loved ones, answers questions about the afterlife, and offers insightful advice.

I was instantly drawn to her and reached out to book a session. Because she's so popular, the wait time for a session was about six months. A one-hour session with one person costs $800. She also offers family sessions, where more than one person can be on the call, that cost $1,000 and up, depending on how many people are present.

I was hoping to connect with my mother during the session

The day of the session finally arrived, and I was buzzing with excitement and nerves. This was my chance to connect with my mother — the woman who wasn't there to raise me, who was absent for 11 years, and who struggled with a 32-year addiction to methamphetamine. It was an opportunity to express everything I never got to say and hear.

Balesky's pre-session instructions were simple: Find a calm space, spend time inviting the spirit to come forward, and jot down any questions. When our call began, I noticed Balesky's warm, positive energy. She looked just as comforting as she did on TikTok, where she often goes live or shares her sessions, sitting in a purple-lit room adorned with flickering candles. She only asked for my mother's first name during the session; I didn't share any personal details about my mom or myself.

She explained that in her channeling process, spirits communicate through her, using her mind as a conduit. She said spirits can present images, evoke emotions, and even use words or phrases to relay messages. She also showed me a notebook where she scribbles notes during readings.

And then, the channeling started.

I was surprised by how much she seemed to know

"I see you crying ... maybe about five years ago?" Balesky began. "Were you with someone different back then?" I was — five years ago, I was in a relationship with my ex-husband before moving to New York City and meeting my current husband.

"There are a few spirits here. I see a man briefly, but now a woman is coming through. She keeps saying 'mom,' 'mother,' 'mom,'" Balesky continued. I was elated that my mother had arrived.

My mom had died from an overdose, a detail I hadn't shared with her. "Did your mom pass from ... oh, she's saying 'janky medication,'" Balesky said, who seemed to be miming taking multiple pills. "It's not a good combination," she added.

Balesky also noted that my parents weren't together when my mom passed, accurately describing their tumultuous relationship. "He's a pain in my ass," my mom said, which made me laugh, as it perfectly captured her tone.

"Your mom says, 'I'm the one who made them meet,'" Balesky said, referring to my husband and me. My husband, who is skeptical of the spiritual world, had joked before this reading that my mom must have sent him to me, even though she passed before we met. It was a comforting thought and made it feel all the more accurate.

Balesky added, "She keeps mentioning 'Rob' or 'Robby' or 'Robert.' Do you know anyone by that name?" Tears welled up as I realized she was talking about Robert, my mom's ex-boyfriend, who left her because of her addiction. I had met him for the first time at my mom's funeral, and he had expressed that my mom always loved me despite our estrangement.

"She's also mad," Balesky said with a smile. "She just said, 'Robert's probably with some other girl.' Your mom seems to have a strong dislike for men. I like her; she's funny." It was a laugh-out-loud moment that felt so true to my mom's character.

"Was she cremated? She's saying, 'Don't put me in the closet, put me in the living room.' She wants to be out with you," Balesky said. My mom's ashes had been in a closet for a time until I moved them out to my living room, and I felt like she was asking me to keep them out there.

"Are you writing a book?" Balesky asked. "She's showing me you writing and putting pictures of her in it. She's not sure why you're using so many pictures, but she likes it." I am indeed working on a memoir about addiction, love, and pain, and how they are intertwined.

"She's proud of you. She's showing me you getting measured for a pantsuit — maybe for a book launch or something," Balesky said. "She's also showing me you and her at a café, holding hands. She wants to be close." It was a tender image that resonated deeply with me.

"Oh, she also showed you coming home and putting keys on the counter. 'Hi baby,' she says," Balesky continued. This was a term of endearment my mom used with me.

The session brought me a sense of closure

Balesky also mentioned that my mom tended to manipulate me in life. "Is that true?" she asked. It was, and it's part of what led to our estrangement.

"Now, her spirit is with you, guiding you in ways she couldn't when she was alive," Balesky said. After the reading, I felt as if my mom's presence had been with me all along.

The session was profound, leaving me feeling both emotional and uplifted. I understand some people's skepticism about mediums, but it felt authentic, as if Balesky was genuinely connecting with my mom. The experience was like a spiritual confirmation — having faith in the unseen yet deeply felt.

As we wrapped up, Balesky smiled and conveyed my mom's message: "I love you, I'm sorry." It was the closure and connection I had hoped for.

I felt incredibly touched to hear that; it wasn't something my mother and I had ever discussed, and for the first time, I felt peace.