Honouring the Child

By Nathalie Khalaf,
Holistic Counsellor Honouring

None of us will remember the first moments when we were born and we may not wish to! But I wonder how we would feel if we could remember that first moment of euphoria when we were finally able to physically crawl or walk away from our parents and caregivers.

How wonderful it would be to grow up being told and taught that we are all wonderful and unique individuals just the way we are.  

 Instead, many children are moulded into what suits society.

When we understand we are all born as unique individuals, not clones of each other, it becomes easier to appreciate and respect everyone for who they are.

Everybody is a genius

I’m often reminded of this quote by Albert Einstein as I find it captures the topic of my article this month: “Everybody is a genius.

But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

Many children are brought up in mainstream thought that they should all be the same, start talking at the same age, start walking at the same age and be good at all the same subjects and topics at school.

How many times did you feel shame or hopelessness because of certain topics you simply could not excel at? I am certain this rings a bell with most of us.

If children are “moulded” into thinking and being a certain way — other than their own natural way — then so many things are at risk.

Criticism and judgement

Children may start feeling that there is something wrong if they hear parents or school teachers claim that they are too slow, too short, too tall, too fat, not talkative enough, not calm and attentive enough, not enough of a leader, not active, too active, and the list continues.

All of this is criticism and judgment which a child absorbs and starts believing. 

But adults here are not always to blame. Most people simply act out of their knowledge which comes from their upbringing, but others may be using children to bolster their societal image, attempting to compensate for perceived personal failures.

Fostering self-love

Eventually, children may learn to foster their self-love, believe in who they are and get the courage to simply fall back into ‘themselves’ and what feels natural.

Others are not always as fortunate and continue todiligently strive to conform to the image their parents or society have set for them — not accepting them fully as they are.

Anxiety and anger

Besides the feelings of shame for who we are and not being good enough to make our parents happy nor our teachers, we start feeling a lot of fear, anxiety and anger.

These emotional side effects may lead to depression and a lot of physical illnesses later on in life.

Honouring the child

The solution is to honour children and listen to their needs and what may already be driving them.

Simultaneously guiding them through education in a gentle fashion.

I read that Finland is the first to offer a learning environment free from academic pressure.

But when we live elsewhere and there are the normal human pressures of competition and we all strive to take our place in the world, the easiest and most crucial step is to help children build their own self-esteem and confidence through self-love.

The third energy point

In my article about the seven main energy points and the seven chakras, I very briefly mentioned a few points on each.

 Our third energy point, the solar plexus, is the one that highly affects our digestive system.

The solar plexus is regarded as our internal power engine.

Between the ages of 4 and 7, children start building their personality and character, stating their opinions even when they are clueless.

Practice exerting their authority and all of that helps in the building character and autonomy.

If children feel supported with love and acceptance, they will learn to build their own inner love and acceptance, making the energy flow in the body smoothly, with fewer chances of having fear override and cause shame.

Physically, a nurturing loving calm upbringing helps children enjoy a healthy gut system as they are much less likely to stress and experience anxiety.

A nurturing loving calm upbringing helps children enjoy a healthy gut system We all know that stress is the number one energetic cause of all physical diseases.

Stress has a heavy negative effect on our digestive system.

When children do not feel loved or supported and are criticised or judged more often than not, they may start harbouring anger.

And unless anger is accepted and expressed out of the body, it may cause liver disease and many other physical issues later on in life.

Reprinted with permission from Family Flavours magazine