Latest Hilarious Take From The Babylon Bee: “Satan Asks Democrats To Tone Down All The Evil” (VIDEO)
The satire website, The Babylon Bee, released an inside look at a regularly scheduled marketing meeting with Democrats, where Satan asks them to tone down all the evil just a little bit.
Satan: Thank you all for meeting with me. You’re all doing some wonderful work destroying the world, but I think it’s probably time for us to reevaluate.
Speaker 1: Sorry for the interruption, but I think we’re in the wrong meeting. We’re not here to destroy the world. We’re here to save it. You see, we are some of the leading leaders of liberal causes, and I’m with the Human Rights Campaign who focus on LGBTQ+ and trans rights. You see, I have an equal sign to let you know that I’m a good person.
Speaker 2: Oh, excuse me. Women’s Reproductive Rights.
Speaker 3: Climate.
Speaker 4: Free Palestine.
Speaker 5: Open borders.
Satan: I misspoke before. You guys are not destroying the world, okay? You are saving the world.
Speaker 1: What’s up with those scare quotes?
Satan: Pretty sure I didn’t use scare quotes when I said saving the world.
The important thing to keep in mind is that there’s a big election coming up, and we’re all on the same page, okay? So if we want Biden to win, he needs to to win in order for us to save the world. If we want Biden to win, you folks… How can I say this? You might need to tone it down just…
Speaker 2: Tone down what?
Speaker 4: That’s a good question.
Satan: You’re women’s reproductive rights, right? Okay. Excellent branding, by the way. I see it’s much easier on the ears than baby murder. So kudos to you on that one. But opposing any restrictions all the way through to the ninth month, I mean, you see how you’re your hand, right? It makes people think, Wait, maybe they actually want to kill babies. And we do, obviously.
Speaker 2: No, we don’t. No, we don’t. We don’t.
Satan: Right. We don’t. But you see how it can look that way. So that’s all I’m saying. Let’s tone it down. And you, immigration. Clearly, we don’t want a completely open border that undermines any sense of national sovereignty, driving down wages for the working class and overtax in the welfare state. So let’s go a bit easy there, too. Why not something like this? Why not something like Diversity is our…
Speaker 5: Are you trying to say diversity is our strength?
Satan: Yes. How do you say that without laughing? Oh, my gosh. I can’t even get through it. This is… My sides. My goodness. Okay, what about you? Pro-palestine. You are… I’m going to say this. You’re coming across like you just want to wipe Israel off the map and kill all the Jews.
Speaker 4: We do want to wipe Israel off the map and kill all the Jews. Of course, yes, yes.
Satan: Of course, yes, yes. And that’s awesome. I’m I’m all for that. I love that. But you need to pretend like you don’t want to wipe Israel off the map and kill all the Jews.
Speaker 4: Why?
Satan: Excuse me?
Speaker 4: I mean, we’re pretty clear in our position, and most young people and everyone on college campuses, and half the Democratic Party, of course, still support us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it’s cool now.
Satan: You may have a point there. You might be the only person in here that can be as evil as you want to be and get away with it. All right, still, let’s think about tactics. Okay, do you think that occupying bridges and blocking traffic is somehow winning people over to your cause?
Speaker 3:
Yeah, and making people hate us by blocking traffic is our thing. He’s stealing our thing.
Speaker 4: We’re not stealing your thing. You must die. We will kill you all.
Satan: See, this is what I’m talking about. I mean, okay, I love the homicidal thing that you got going on there. I really dig it, okay? But maybe market it just a little bit differently. Like the serial killer that everyone thinks is such a sweet guy. You know? He’s got 27 bodies in the basement, but he’s like, you know, Coaching Little League. That’s what I want. Be that guy.
Speaker 4: Death to America.
Satan: You know the funny thing is, you don’t even look Middle Eastern. Am I wrong, people? Am I wrong?
Speaker 4: I’m not. I actually grew up on Long Island, but my parents sent me to college. Death to America.
Satan: HRC guy. You have been going over the top as well.
Speaker 1: It’s important for us, they/them, to be accepted it just like everyone else.
Satan: Yes, of course, of course, of course. And convincing people that they’re intolerant for not wanting men to get naked in women’s locker rooms. I guess that’s genius. I mean, come on, it’s next-level stuff. All right, but insisting that your children be mutilated. I mean, come on, just turn people off, you guys. I mean, not everyone, obviously. But until the election, can we just all pretend for a few months not to be crazed lunatic homicidal extremists?
Cross-talk: Extremists? No, it’s my body, my body. Donald J. Trump.
Satan: You will obey me. Sorry. Glad we’re all on the same page, though.
Watch:
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