'Kinkeeping' Is One More Way Moms Bring Magic to the Home — & Now We’re (Finally!) Getting Recognition
Moms are amazing, full stop. (BTW, Mother’s Day is coming up so don’t forget to tell her how much you appreciate her!) Thanks to TikTokers, the world is a little more educated on just how amazing moms are — namely, by bringing light to all the tiny, invisible things that moms do to bring magic to the home. In other words, “kinkeeping.” Never heard of it? Just like you also probably never realized why mom’s stocking was the only one not filled on Christmas morning or why your sports uniforms were always clean before a big game. Because kinkeeping is traditionally something women have done, it hasn’t been recognized — much less praised! Until now.
There have been many videos explaining kinkeeping that have gone viral on TikTok. Like this one with 12.4 million views posted way back in December 2022. “Kinkeeping is the root of stress in most women’s lives,” TikToker @molly_west said in a video. “And because they don’t know the name for it, they’re often called irrational.”
West compared it to a play, where everyone notices the actors on stage, but no one claps for the costume designers, set designers, lighting, and everything else that is required to keep the play running. “A lot of it goes unnoticed because the whole role of this job is to be invisible and to perform convenience for everyone,” she explained.
Dictionary.com even got in on the trend. In an April 2024 video, kinkeeping was the word of the day, defined as “the labor involved in maintaining and enhancing family ties, including organizing social occasions, remembering birthdays, and sending gifts.”
The New York Times described kinkeeping as “creating or carrying on family traditions, buying gifts for birthdays and holidays, coordinating medical care and performing all sorts of emotional caregiving,” in an article published Wednesday. Additionally, they asserted that it’s “a form of invisible labor, predominately done by women, dedicated to family bonding and magic-making.”
It’s the little things that are actually the big things — like knowing this week is Teacher Appreciation Week, and going out (when they can!) to get well-meaning, affordable gifts for the kids’ teachers that include things on each of their favorites’ lists. It’s knowing what lunches each of your kids like (and really don’t like!) and including a sweet note. It’s calling your mother-in-law just to check up on her, remembering extended family birthdays and sending gifts and cards, and making sure the whole family has clean underwear. It’s the unglamorous work that makes life so much easier for everyone.
Now that kinkeeping is finally being talked about, women are fighting back. TikToker @morganstrickell shared a video last week about how she is setting boundaries in her relationship with her husband, and it has 1.6 million views. “I refuse to be the primary communicator with my husband’s side of the family,” she began, giving an example about how her husband wanted her to give his mom updates about their pregnancy instead of doing it himself.
“I’m not his kinkeeper. If he wants to maintain a relationship with the people in his life and have them and know information about our lives, that is one hundred percent on him,” she explained. She added, “If my mom doesn’t know what’s going on, I’m a bad daughter. If his mom doesn’t know what’s going on, I’m a bad daughter-in-law.” The double standard is excruciating!
“I married a grown adult who had good communication with his mom before I met him. There’s no reason that that should be shifted onto my responsibility plate now that we’re together,” she added. Amen, sister!
Kinkeeping is important, and without it, our world would fall apart (and holidays would never be the same!). However, women shouldn’t bear the burden of managing all these tasks alone. It’s well past time for men to step up. Maybe this long-overdue recognition is the first step?
Before you go, check out these unbelievable stories about Reddit’s worst dads.
