My husband’s fantasy has driven him into the arms of not one but two women
DEAR DEIDRE: After months of asking me for a threesome, my husband’s fixation with it has driven him into the arms of two other women.
I’m 38 and he’s 42. We’ve got two kids, aged seven and five, and have been married for 11 years.
Until now we always had a good sex life, so I can’t understand why it’s not enough for him any more.
While we enjoyed exploring in the bedroom together, we never did anything extreme. But over the last few months his interests have changed and one day he asked me directly if I’d give a threesome a go with him.
From the start I was apprehensive. However, as I loved and trusted him, I agreed to try it. But it was awkward and unsettling.
After that I refused another go, and I thought he would be OK with that. He tried to seem supportive but kept pestering for another threesome.
Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team
Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.
Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:
deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
Then he started asking if I would try anal with him. Once again I turned him down. I’d tried it before with an ex and found it excruciating.
This time he couldn’t hide his disappointment and while I did my best to satisfy him in other ways, it never felt like enough.
Eventually, he started avoiding sex altogether and I could sense something was amiss. I tried to ignore it until one day my anxiety took over and I found myself searching through his phone.
Almost instantly my suspicions were confirmed and I found hundreds of filthy text messages he’d exchanged with two other women.
When I confronted him he didn’t even apologise and instead told me that I gave him no choice.
These two women had indulged both his fantasies and now I don’t know where to go from here.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: He has betrayed you massively and there is no excuse for it.
Cheating on you because he is not getting the sex he wants is an emotionally stunted response.
Unless he is willing to take responsibility for his actions and respect your boundaries, then this relationship has no future.
If you both want to work this out, rebuilding trust won’t happen overnight. Some couple’s counselling will be essential, which you can arrange at tavistockrelationships.org.
But if he won’t apologise or respect your wishes, then counselling would help you work through how to move on from this damaging relationship.