Miss Manners: Must I comply with my roommate’s demand of complete silence?
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a college student, and my roommate and I have majorly conflicting sleeping habits.
I have declared music as my major and have seven classes that I need to keep on top of, in addition to several rehearsals a week. My days begin at 9 a.m. and sometimes don’t end until 9 p.m.
I am up and about all day long, whether it is to go to class, study, practice, do homework or chat online with my friends.
She, however, is an “undeclared” student, so she does not have as many classes, and they are not as difficult as mine. She will often sleep all day, even if it means skipping class, and stay awake all night to play video games or watch TV.
When I confronted her about this, she said she cannot sleep at night because I talk or cry in my sleep and snore (which is strange, because I have roomed with many other friends and family members, and no one has ever said that).
However, I have lost sympathy for her, because I do not make the decision for her to play video games all night and sleep during the day.
It’s extremely frustrating for me, because when she sleeps during the day, she wants “complete darkness and complete silence,” which means I cannot get any work done until she wakes up.
I have been finding ways to get my work done, but I am starting to fall behind. I can’t keep using friends’ computers and avoiding the room I am paying $2,800 a year for, just so she can sleep whenever she feels like it.
I have been trying to let her sleep when she needs to, but I know I could have better grades if I could get all my work done on time.
Am I being selfish? What can I do to remedy this situation?
GENTLE READER: Your work is falling behind because you are so successful at complying with your roommate’s demands.
Would it not be possible to improve the former by allowing a modest decline in the latter — forgetting, for example, that you promised not to start practicing before 8 o’clock?
Adjusting to this or changing rooming arrangements would thus be up to her.
DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son and his two close friends turn 30 in the same week. My future daughter-in-law and the two friends’ significant others decided they would do a 30th birthday for the three guys at a bar, where everyone can meet.
But it’s a cash bar for drinks and any food. Is it rude to ask guests to pay their own way? Or perhaps it’s the thing to do for the youth of today?
GENTLE READER: While it is rude to ask guests to pay for the party, the women in question are cleverer — and less impolite — than you think.
Miss Manners counts three hosts (the young women) and three guests (the young men). If each of the former is paying for each of the latter, then everyone has fulfilled the obligations exactly. Even if that is not literally the case, soon-to-be-engaged couples have been known to share expenses, even if they fall short of generally recognized accounting practices.
Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.