Harriette Cole: They say my child’s looks are reason to suspect my wife
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have ginger hair and hazel-brown eyes, and my wife is a brunette with brown eyes.
Despite our genetics, our 2-year-old child is dark-haired with blue eyes.
My mother and sister cannot stop insinuating that my wife may have cheated on me. I consistently reject this idea and have become increasingly frustrated over time.
I know my wife is faithful and loyal as she has always been. However, the persistent remarks from them and other family members at gatherings are beginning to affect me.
I am considering a DNA test, but I fear my wife will feel doubted and betrayed if I suggest it.
— Confused Father
DEAR CONFUSED FATHER: Does your wife know about your family’s grumblings about your child? Start by filling her in.
Let her know that there has been ongoing whispering by your family and how disconcerting it is. Tell her that you didn’t bring it up sooner because you think it is ridiculous, but that it is getting to you now that two years later they haven’t let up.
Genetics are amazing. You have to look at family history to find the links to the origins of different traits. In many families, there is a wide variety of characteristics that appear at different points in different generations.
You and your wife should decide together how to address this. You could speak to the family elders to ask them to get the family to stop with the accusations and to accept your family for who you are. You can speak to individuals or the whole family together. Or you could do a DNA test to prove your child’s bloodlines. Whatever you do, do it as a united front.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I feel for my twin brother, and I am worried about him.
“Danny” no longer socializes with us like before, he rarely leaves his room and he often refuses to go to school. It seems like life has been drained out of him, and he appears depressed.
I have made efforts to talk to him, but he shuts me down. I intentionally snuck into his room and accessed his social media account because I am worried about him. I saw a conversation with a friend where Danny mentioned he is terrified of being judged and hated in the family because he is gay. He overheard our dad expressing extreme disgust toward gay people.
I am considering sharing this information with my mom so she can mediate and talk to Danny, but I am afraid of causing more harm.
— Twin
DEAR TWIN: Take the risk of admitting to your brother that you read his social media and know what he’s dealing with. Assure him of how much you love him and support him for the person he is.
Acknowledge that you know your father can be harsh and scary, especially on this topic. Encourage him to speak to your mother for support and also to seek advice from the school guidance counselor.
He should not be alone in this. Assure him that you are there for him and will stand by his side as he figures things out.
Go to your mother only if he seems suicidal or incapable of living his life.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.