Survivor Recap: The Final Several

Nobody likes being left out — whether that’s from a coveted Applebee’s Bourbon Burger or a coordinated blindside. This week, Kenzie is dealing with the latter betrayal after being one of the few left out of the successful plan to vote out Tiff. In a sense, she, too, was blindsided, but in an even more real sense, not really since she’s still there. Nonetheless, her first time being left in the dark shakes her up and makes her question how firm of a grip she has on the game playing around her. If it’s any consolation, Charlie assures her he had nothing to do with excluding her. A phenomenal display of playing both sides, Charlie.

But let’s look forward because now that Tiff suffered a fate worse than death (leaving the game with a perfectly good idol in your pocket), that idol has been released back into the wild. So much like Simon, Paula, and Randy, the players all begin their hunt for an idol — except Liz, who’s sleeping soundly in her rainbow glasses, likely dreaming beautiful dreams of eatin’ good in the neighborhood. When Venus ultimately finds it, she wisely plays it cool, pretending to continue her search — she’s determined not to let anybody know she has the idol … for now, at least.

Meanwhile, Charlie catches up with Maria on her big move in a way that feels like a post-game interview with a Super Bowl MVP. I’m half expecting her to say she’s going to go to Disneyland. But despite reveling in her success, she’s not unaware that it’ll surely come with consequences. It’s a much-needed resume bullet point to bring up at the final tribal council … so long as it doesn’t keep her from getting there. Because big moves are double-edged swords, and she knows it. You need them to win, but they also make you a major target, and there’s still plenty of time left in the game to take aim at targets. Sure, she’s acknowledging the repercussions of this move — but what is she doing about it?

She should figure out something soon because the other players are quickly organizing. Kenzie, Liz, and Venus all see that as a game-winning move that would be impossible to compete with at final tribal, so they know that they have to take Maria out. Much like the nuns in The Sound of Music, they wonder how to solve a problem like Maria. They would need one more vote to get the numbers on their side — but they’re confident they can get Charlie. He’s been Maria’s little jester this whole game, according to Kenzie, but he’s also too smart of a player to take either Maria or Q to the end … right?

But Survivor players make plans, and Jeff Probst laughs. As we know, the immunity challenge can throw a wrench in even the most airtight strategies, so this week’s is key. And just as importantly, they’re also playing for reward. “Pizza delivery!” Jeff proclaims. Somehow, I live outside of Domino’s delivery radius, but somehow they’re able to order out to this island? When Jeff announces that there’s a gluten-free pizza, Liz almost collapses out of joy. In the game itself, during which they have to balance a ball on a pole, everybody quite literally drops the ball enough that it ends up being anyone’s game. Ultimately, it ends up coming down to Venus or Maria, and after Venus narrowly misses victory, Maria scores immunity. As somebody who hates to see a perfectly good scheme get derailed, this is a huge blow.

When it comes time for Maria to choose her pizza pals, she says she’ll make her decision based solely on whose body physically needs the sustenance the most. She first selects Ben — and after Charlie and Kenzie take themselves out of the running — makes Q, Liz, and Venus state their case. “I mean, I still haven’t pooped in three weeks, so I’d like something to get moving,” Liz says … an argument that you simply can’t compete with. And yet, despite Liz’s constipation and Maria’s previous promise to make her decision based on who needs food the most, she can’t decide. Instead, in an act of sick cruelty, she makes them play rock, paper, scissors for the reward. It’s clear she wants to take Q but doesn’t want to face the repercussions of making that choice — so, like a coward, she refuses to make the decision herself, keeping her hands clean. She gets her way when Q wins, but it’s still incredibly hilarious to see Liz’s face when she gets shut out from yet another reward.

It was a dumb move from Maria, who potentially cemented the resistance against her by leaving Kenzie, Venus, Liz, and Charlie alone to conspire. Of course, they, unfortunately, can’t do anything about Maria this week, but they can lay the groundwork by shit-talking that idiotic move. There’s no better way to build camaraderie. “She went from being a hero to a villain real quick,” Venus says. And since they can’t go for her, the next obvious choice is her right-hand man, Q. But how will our pizza pals vote? Thinking they have Charlie on their side, they set their sights on Venus, who they’re confident doesn’t have an idol.

Back at the camp and full of pizza, Maria has to face the music, and Liz — America’s Sweetheart — says she doesn’t understand why she would ever want to make Q happy since he’s an “ass.” What’s amazing is that she embarks on this tirade with Q right behind her, and when this is pointed out, she doubles down. She’s done with suppressing her feelings; in fact, she blames that habit for why she has so many allergies. I don’t know a better person, and I’m obsessed with her.

It seems that the line in the sand is relatively clear, so long as Charlie stays with the women. But naturally, because this is Survivor, everything starts to unravel and becomes much more fluid as tribal council approaches. Maria tries to make peace with Liz, during which they bond over not liking how chaotic Venus is. Kenzie and Charlie express a similar complaint after he tells her about Venus propositioning him with the promise of a mysterious trick up her sleeve. It’s a bold attempt to secure his vote so she won’t have to play her idol. Despite knowing that her name’s in the mix, she’s reluctant to take the easy way out and thinks negotiating her safety will be more impressive on her resume than buying it with her idol. But as I said with Maria, an impressive resume only counts if you get the chance to present it.

Tribal council (which prop comedian Jeff Probst watches with a licorice snack) covers the expected — last week’s blindside, a relitigation of the pizza debacle, and Charlie’s musings about decisions having consequences. But the real highlight for me was Liz hamming it up while Venus and Q bickered back and forth beside her — making goofy faces, pulling her buff over her eyes, and trying to get Jeff’s licorice out of her teeth. In fact, I think all tribal councils should have a Liz Cam in the bottom corner of the screen, where we can just watch her reactions the whole time. And speaking of reactions — let’s talk about the votes. Nobody’s names came up in this episode for elimination apart from Q and Venus, so imagine my surprise to see that someone voted for Kenzie. When Jeff revealed it, my brow furrowed in sync with Kenzie’s own. Huh? But that’s the least of my worries because as the votes continued to roll in, it became clear that Venus’s torch was being snuffed.

These absolute idiots. We’ll find out more about how this vote shook out next week, but whoever let this happen arguably handed Maria and/or Q their victory on a silver platter. Or, at the very least, it just became monumentally harder for anybody but one of them to win. I, for one, will be pulling for a starving and constipated Liz to eventually win, on the condition that her grand prize be in the form of a $1,000,000 Applebee’s gift card.