5 ways the Twins can (legally or much less legally) smuggle their rally sausage into Canada
Per Canadian law, any meat brought into the country from America must be packaged and clearly labeled. How this pertains to Major League Baseball is a whole other story.
It begins in Minneapolis, where the Minnesota Twins have given themselves up to the most baseball thing outside of wooden bats and hot dogs: unreasoned superstition. Minnesota’s 12-game win streak — a stretch that pulled the team out of the doldrums and into early playoff contention — wasn’t merely the product of young bats snapping to life. It was thanks to catcher Kyle Farmer’s Cloverdale Tangy Summer Sausage and its place in the Twins’ dugout:
The sausage, slowly decaying in its battered, compromised packaging, was supposed to be destroyed after the team’s win streak disappeared. Instead, it persists, a message of hope among processed meats and all of us whose best days are behind us. But make no mistake, this is no longer a product fit for human consumption.
“It’s alive,” Twins bench coach Jayce Tingler said per The Athletic. “You could smell the rank when we brought it out in the bottom of the fifth inning. As soon as we brought it out, we were on the board.”
If Minnesota wants to deal with the smell and hope for the best, that’s their prerogative. But with a road trip to the Toronto Blue Jays looming, they’ll soon have to explain a wilted sack of rotted meat to customs officials. There’s a real fear that reasonable adults will see the Twins’ festering botulism experiment for what it is and chuck it, taking down the team’s playoff hopes in the process.
This is not a problem without a solution. After minutes of brainstorming and a quick examination of Canadian law, I have suggestions. Some are (much) better than others.