I was the perfect trad wife but got divorced at 40 – now I struggle for money, I made too many sacrifices for my 3 kids
A FORMER trad wife has shared a warning to women, after revealing the hardships she faced when she got divorced at the age of 40.
A trad wife (short for traditional wife) is a woman who chooses to take on an ultra traditional role in marriage, meaning she makes dinner and looks pretty whilst her husband goes to work.
Trad wives choose to dress in the style of clothing popular in this period ( think floral dresses and frumpy cardigans).
Additionally, the values considered important to tradwvies are similar to strict Christian values.
Trad wives state that they are not forced into this way of life, and believe that it is their purpose to be homemakers.
Ruelle explained that she chose to become a trad wife as it is all she had ever known, as neither her mother nor her grandmother had ever worked.
Taking to TikTok, she revealed that when got married in 1995, she had no education past secondary school level, and no work experience.
“It is what I wanted, having no understanding of the consequences I’m now facing”, she said.
Ruelle was a stay-at-home mum to her three kids for 20 years, and then, in 2016, ended up getting divorced.
“I had to start at the bottom with no job experience”, she said.
The mum of three, now 49, explained that she had struggled to make enough money to support her children after the divorce and hasn’t been able to make much progress in her career as she doesn’t have a degree.
Ruelle said that she believes being a stay-at-home mum is both rewarding and sacrificing, and added that when she was married, her husband always made her feel guilty if she wanted to spend time with her friends.
She added that she now believes that in this economy, it does not make sense to be a trad wife.
“If you’re going to be a trad wife, prepare yourself”, she said.
“I wish I had known then what I know now. Don’t rely on your significant other to take care of your needs forever.”
Signs of financial abuse
Although the ‘trad wife’ lifestyle is a choice for those who don’t mind being financial dependant, you should be aware of the signs of financial abuse.
These can include, but aren’t limited to:
- stopping you from going to work, college or university
- causing you to lose out on benefits by not letting you go to appointments at the Jobcentre or apply for jobs
- controlling your access to essential things, such as food, clothing or transport.
- forces you to take out money or get credit in your name
- makes you hand over control of your accounts – this could include changing your login details
- cashes in your pension or other cheques without your permission
- adds their name to your account
- pressures you to change your will in a way you’re not comfortable with
- has offered to buy shopping or pay bills with your money, but takes it, and doesn’t use the money how you agreed
- asks you prove what you’ve spent your money on
- stops you accessing your bank, loan or credit card accounts
- controls what you can and can’t spend your money on
- sets up Direct Debits from your account to pay bills which aren’t yours or pay for goods and services which you haven’t bought
- pressures you to arrange for your benefits to be paid into a bank account you don’t have access to
- pressures you to draw down, transfer or stop making pension payments
- makes you take out new insurance policies or stops you paying your existing ones.
- To gain access to help, you can contact Women’s Aid: on their website, and online chat service.
- You can also call the freephone 24-Hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 200 0247
Ruelle’s video has likely struck a chord with many people, as it has gone viral, racking up over 1.6 million views on the video sharing platform.
TikTok users raced to the video’s comments section to share their thoughts.
One person said: “My mum was a trad wife and insisted I made my own income because of what she went through.”
A second said: “I have worked all 25 years of my marriage.
“My mum told me to never depend on a man for money”.
A third added: “Sadly, so many women don’t think this will happen to them, you never know”.
A fourth added: “I started university at 50, it’s never too late”.
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