2nd Lt. who locked up Chief Warrant Officer 5 commended for finding elusive Chief Warrant Officer 5
FORT LIBERTY, NC – 2nd Lieutenant Jason O’Louf was not seeking notoriety so much as imaginary creatures when he achieved an almost unheard-of accomplishment. Now O’Louf has been officially commended for not only spotting the mythical creature known as a Chief Warrant Officer 5 (CW5) but also managing to lock him up, a feat previously thought to be impossible.
The incident occurred last Tuesday when Lt. O’Louf, fresh out of Officer Candidate School and still learning the intricate art of not saluting 1st Lts., stumbled upon a CW5 in the wild while attempting to locate some grid squares.
“I was just trying to help out my soldiers,” said O’Louf, still bewildered by his encounter. “I took a wrong turn, opened a door, and there he was, just...existing.”
According to eyewitnesses, Lt. O’Louf, upon realizing what he had encountered, reacted out of fear, yelling, “Oh, my God!” causing the CW5, who was reportedly in the middle of a nap, to fall off his chair in shock. The CW5 — a rare sight in daylight, and believed by many soldiers to be as rare as Bigfoot — rose to its feet, towering at attention. It was clear that the moment was pure reflex, but the damage was done, and the CW5 was angered that he was forced into such a position by a lowly Lt.
“I didn’t think they were real,” O’Louf later said. “I’ve only ever seen pictures of them on PowerPoint slides about the Chain of Command and in museums.”
The base commander, Col. Sarah Briggs, immediately issued a commendation for the young lieutenant for “demonstrating acute situational awareness and unparalleled discovery skills.” The commendation, however, has been met with mixed reactions and strained credulity from some soldiers.
Sgt. Maj. John Hardknocker commented, “In my 30 years of service, I’ve only seen one CW5, and it was from a distance and it was blurry. Locking one up is as likely as a private turning down a high-interest car loan. Doesn’t happen.”
The Army’s Training and Doctrine Command has announced a new seven-hour, mandatory online course for all second lieutenants: “Identifying Senior Warrant Officers in the Wild.” The reported CW5 (though not confirmed) in question, has since returned to its natural habitat in dimly-lit, seldom-visited corners of the installation, and declined to comment on the incident.
Military social media has been abuzz with the news, with #CW5Sighting trending across various platforms. Conspiracy theorists argue that the CW5 was actually a hologram or an actor hired by the Pentagon to boost morale. Meanwhile, the Army’s public affairs office is reportedly considering making a documentary titled “The Elusive CW5: Unlocked,” with Lt. O’Louf as the narrator.
At press time, reports were coming in of a group of lieutenants embarking on a “CW5 safari” around the Pentagon, armed with binoculars and a sense of naive determination.
Lt. O’Louf, meanwhile, has been seen walking around the base with a newfound swagger, occasionally stopping to give impromptu lectures to groups of awe-struck Pvts. about his legendary encounter. However, when pressed about the location of the CW5, his answer is always the same: “You know, I wish I could tell you where it was, but I’ve tried finding it again and just keep getting turned around. Some things aren’t meant to be seen more than once.”
As for the CW5, he was last seen disappearing into a shadowy corridor, chuckling to himself amidst gulps of coffee and muttering something about “the good old days.”
Despite the commotion, one thing is clear: Lt. O’Louf’s encounter has added a new chapter to the lore of the Army’s warrant officers, and his name will forever be etched in the annals of military legend as the man who found, and locked up, a Chief Warrant Officer 5.
As For Class is a boy named Sue, named Ashley. When he isn’t writing for Duffel Blog he also writes fiction.