Return to the Valley of the Wonders of the Planet of the Apes
Planet of the Apes is the greatest series in the history of American movies. No other Hollywood franchise went so dark and pitiless into the dark heart of our country at the end of the 1960s and the beginning of the 1970s. There’s a new one coming out, the 10th installment—Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes, directed by Wes Ball. I’ll see it. The first Apes I saw were in 2001, in Tim Burton’s plain-named Planet of the Apes, a remake famous for sucking. Tim Roth starred as the villain, apparently; I thought it was John Travolta, but I must be thinking of Battlefield Earth.
Burton’s 2001 remake was dull and gunmetal gray; full of dull trench warfare that I can barely remember. The various Simpsons parodies are much clearer, and I think for most millennials it’s these two pieces that, if anything, keep some of us away from the Apes. The Burton film was terrible, but the Simpsons gags weren’t just gags, they were set pieces (“Dr Zaeus, Dr. Zeus!”); they also gave away the now famous ending through relentless parody. I’m not sure if that Statue of Liberty twist ending is as well-known as it was maybe 20 or 30 years ago—and I’m even more convinced of that because of the more well-regarded 2010s trilogy Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Dawn of the Planet of the Apes, and War for the Planet of the Apes.
All of these movies did well, but they left little cultural imprint; I thought the last film, directed by Matt Reeves in 2017, was one of the best Hollywood films indirectly about the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan. And now, in a year without big movies or blockbusters—blame the dual strikes of 2023—Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes might end up being one of the 10 best movies you’ll see in theaters this year. I saw the trailer, so I went back to Franklin Schaffner’s 1968 original starring Charlton Heston, Linda Harrison, Kim Hunter, and Roddy McDowall. I was sure I’d seen this and the four sequels—we had the boxset when we lived in New York, purchased from J&R—but as soon as the first one started I realized, nope.
You know the ending. But it’s like Psycho, it’s so well-done that it doesn’t matter. You likely don’t remember the way Schaffner builds up to that final shot, or that it’s followed directly by credits and no music. The sequels are even more depressing in the end: Beneath the Planet of the Apes ends with Heston lookalike James Franciscus machine-gunned to death along with Heston himself! And of course Linda Harrison dies—everyone dies Beneath the Planet of the Apes: the world ends in a nuclear explosion.
Escape from the Planet of the Apes has the saddest ending I’ve ever seen in a Hollywood film. Mostly loved by the public in an alternate universe 1973 (the film was released in 1971), Cornelius and Zira the intelligent apes have time travelled back right before the apocalyptic explosion, and they almost make it—it’s crazy, they only have one asshole that really hates them, some G-man who goes to the President, among others. Even the President tells him to leave them alone! But he when he chases them down at the end, with their baby, this guy actually fucking shoots and kills Cornelius and Zira. Their baby is left crying “Mama? Mama? Mama?…” in a faraway circus over the credits, no music. Imagine walking out of that movie in 1971. Imagine taking your kids to see that movie.
Conquest of the Planet of the Apes is Cornelius’ revenge. McDowall plays his grown-up father in a move that corresponds with the structure of the series: a ping-pong between centuries, where man is enslaved, ape is enslaved, forever and ever. These movies reflect on our time and our eternal struggle to tame the beast within. These are popcorn movies that deal with issues of millennia. Conquest is a slave rebellion movie, but it’s also the beginning of the life of the ragged leader who died in 2017 in War for the Planet of the Apes, so tired and futile now. Time waits for no one on the Planet of the Apes.
—Follow Nicky Otis Smith on Twitter and Instagram: @nickyotissmith