I am worried to tell new lover about my sexual health history
DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE met someone I really like and I don’t know how to, or even if I should, tell her about my STI.
We’re both in our 60s and met online a month ago.
I joined the companionship site after my wife passed away.
My family were extremely supportive of me, and my children often visited to keep me company – but despite this, there was a huge hole in my life.
I rarely left home for two years but eventually felt strong enough and realised I was ready to meet someone else.
I instantly connected with this woman but I’ve put off sharing the fact that I have genital herpes.
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I contracted herpes at the age of 24 from my first girlfriend.
The day I found out what the red sores around my genitals were, I thought my life was over.
Thankfully, I went on to meet my wife who was amazing and extremely understanding of my situation.
It never affected our relationship but I’m aware that this won’t always be the case.
I’m worried it’ll end the relationship before it’s even begun.
What should I do?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: There is a huge stigma around having an STI so it’s natural you’re nervous about sharing this information with your partner.
Still, it is fantastic that you want to be honest with this woman.
When you have a quiet moment, tell her you want to share something important.
Explain you respect her, value her and you’re going to entrust her with something very private. This will emphasise how much the relationship means to you.
It’s important you encourage her to ask you questions so she can see you want to be open and that you understand how to manage your herpes.
There will be many people out there who will be attracted to you for exactly who you are – with or without herpes.
However, we all face rejection whether or not we have herpes.
Thousands of people are turned down for dates and relationships every day.
So if she does decide she wants to end the relationship, know she wasn’t the right person for you. That person is still out there waiting.
The Herpes Viruses Association (herpes.org.uk) is a patient support charity that works to reduce the stigma around genital herpes. They will be able to help you with any issues you may face in the future.