My love rat ex was cheating on me with EIGHTY other women – how you can find out if your partner is a lying lothario
LYING lotharios beware! Fib on your dating profile and a secret network of women will be sure to find you out.
Relationship-seekers are digging the dirt on potential suitors through a web of private, female-only Facebook groups called Are we Dating The Same Guy? (AWDTSG).
They use the pages to find out if other members have been up close and personal with men they have met on apps including Tinder, Bumble and Hinge — as well as check for romance red flags.
In fact, some fellas have had their pics and details shared so many times on AWDTSG, they have become notorious.
It comes as recent figures showed 61 per cent of men use singles sites in the UK, compared to 39 per cent of women.
Group member Paige Appleby, 29, from Leigh-on-Sea, Essex, was horrified when suspicions that her ex had been fooling around were confirmed on AWDTSG.
The marketing manager, who had been seeing Dave, 31, from Putney,
South West London, for three months, popped in his details and was faced with replies from 80 other women revealing they had been dating or in touch with him, too.
I saw his face in a photo from when we were on holiday. The post — from someone else – said “Girls, I am dating this guy”. Women from the UK and the US had been sleeping with him at the same time as me
Paige
Paige says: “I joined AWDTSG after ending things with Dave. Things had been going well between us. We met online, he’d met my family and we’d gone on holiday.
“But then I caught him on Instagram with another girl. He insisted she was his sister, but a closer look at social media suggested they had also been together.
“My friend said I should search for him in the group and I thought, ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’. ‘He sold us all the dream’
“Then I saw his face in a photo I’d taken when we’d been away together on holiday.”
Recalling how another member was asking about Dave, Paige said: “The post, from someone else, said, ‘Girls, I am dating this guy — is there any tea? (gossip)’. And I couldn’t keep up with the responses.
“There were women from all over the UK, even America, who’d been unknowingly dating him and sleeping with him — mostly around the same time.
“He’d spun us all different lines and fake excuses and sold us all the dream of being the ideal boyfriend.
“He was sleeping with us without protection and there were even pregnancies. He was playing with our feelings. It was so messed up.”
Paige said one other girl’s story sounded very familiar, with accounts of Dave lovebombing her at the start, painting himself as a genuine guy who wanted to settle down with “The One”, and claiming he “never got female attention”.
But she added: “The comments showed that wasn’t the case.
“We all looked similar, too, so he clearly had a type. It was a lot to deal with.”
Paige told how Dave’s picture has since become a running joke on the AWDTSG pages, with comments including: “I see this man more than my own family.”
And she added: “It is both hilarious and frustrating knowing that girls are still being blindsided by him. Thanks to AWDTSG, I also discovered a so-called match was catfishing me as well as three other girls in the group.”
The romeo con artist used a fake profile and someone else’s photos to chat up women.
“The man we believed we were speaking to was married with children and obviously went by a different name,” Paige explains.
“Some girls reached out to the genuine person in the images, who confirmed he has never had a dating app profile. His photos had been stolen.”
Alongside general relationship advice and weeding out lies, other AWDTSG stories are more sinister, with women warning of men who may be abusers, scammers or fraudsters.
Invoking Clare’s Law — the right to know if your partner has an abusive past — is always recommended in this instance or if anyone feels they may be in danger.
For Amy, 49, a solicitor from Telford, Shrops, the group was a way to warn others about Andrew, who made off with her life savings of £57,000 and two cars during a three-year “romance”.
‘He ruined my life, I feel so violated’
Amy, whose name has been changed as cops probe her case, says: “He ruined my life and took my emotional and financial security. I feel so violated.
“I posted what happened and his photo in the AWDTSG groups as a way to try to prevent him from doing the same to someone else. If it stops another woman giving him any money, it’s worth it.”
Anna Rowe, 51, co-founder of lovesaid.org, a support group that backs defrauded daters, believes the forums are useful.
The expert, who has been a victim of a romance scammer herself, says: “From exposing Jack the lads to more serious situations, I think the AWDTSG groups are brilliant and paramount for safety.
“And it can work both ways. Some posts ask for information and a woman will say, ‘I know this guy, he’s lovely’.”
Paige says: “The groups help girls vet the wrong ’uns and have changed the way I date. I feel sorry for whoever I settle down with because he will be called out on every suspicious action and may find himself being posted.”
She added: “I still believe there are good ones out there. I’ve started seeing someone I met in a bar. Luckily, nothing has come up about him in the group.”
*Names have been changed and pictures posed by models
Dating safely on apps
HOW should you stay safe when using dating apps?
Here, expert Anna Rowe gives her top tips.
1. CREATE a safe dating profile to ensure you cannot be stalked across other social media.
Do not use profile pictures from your social media or any other key identifying information.
2. KEEP the app as your method of chatting until after your first meeting.
Swapping contact information, such as phone number or email address, will leave you open to harassment should the date not go well.
You can chat and audio or video call on most dating apps.
3. NEVER meet at, or be picked up from, your home.
Arrange to meet in a public place and ensure friends or family know where you are.
Have your phone with you should you need to contact them.
4. ON the date, trust your gut instinct. Listen to any vibes you feel.
We get these feelings for a reason.
Don’t ignore them.
5. IF you think things are moving too quickly, take a step back.
Talk to friends or family about what is feeling out of place and get a fresh perspective on the situation.