I’m a former Tradwife, my husband used me as a domestic slave – when I decided to leave I was a penniless single mum
WHEN Enitza Templeton got divorced she had been unemployed for a decade and didn’t have a penny to support herself and her four children.
She had handed all financial control over to her husband during her marriage and Enitza says she allowed him to take over her life.
This is because she was living as a “tradwife”, a movement that has become popular on social media which sees women choose traditional gender roles when it comes to family dynamics.
But rather than than the idyllic homestead she was hoping for, Enitza says that she felt like a slave in her own house and didn’t want her four children to see her being treated like that any longer.
A HORRIBLE NIGHTMARE
Today she calls her decision to leave it the bravest decision of her life and she wants to warn other women that leaning into the tradwife life can be dangerous and toxic.
“It’s horrible. It’s a nightmare,” she says in this exclusive interview.
“I want to warn every single woman as loudly as I can that you’re literally signing up to be a domestic slave.”
She says she gave up her autonomy and her decision making during her marriage.
“Because a ‘good wife’ is submissive and quiet and serves her family,” she says.
Tradwives, influencers on social media who claim to be submissive to their husbands and often portray various versions of “traditional” domestic gender roles are growing in number every single day.
Millions of users watch their videos on TikTok and Instagram which often portray the lifestyle as nostalgic whereas critics argue it promotes sexism and is a regression of feminism.
But now, many women like Enitza are coming forward to share their stories about the reality of life on the other side of being a tradwife.
Another woman who wanted to remain anonymous to protect her children and her story is chilling.
CHILLING TALE
She met her ex-husband when she was 17. He was ten years older than she was and he didn’t want her to go to college.
“He wanted to know why I would burden him with student debt when I was just going to stay home with our kids,” she says.
“It made logical sense to me and I dropped out of school.”
She had her first baby at 23 and was out of the workforce for 17 years.
“My role as a traditional wife and mom was just to disappear and blend into the background,” she says.
“I didn’t even recognize my own needs.
What is a trad wife?
A trad wife (short for traditional wife) is a woman who chooses to take on an ultra traditional role in marriage, meaning she makes dinner and looks pretty whilst her husband goes to work.
The trend takes inspiration from the idea of a 1950s housewife.
Many trad wives choose to dress in the style of clothing popular in this period (think floral dresses and frumpy cardigans).
Additionally, the values considered important to trad wvies are similar to strict Christian values.
Trad wives state that they are not forced into this way of life, and believe that it is their purpose to be homemakers.
“My role was to keep the household running and basically give him the life that he wanted. He could come and go as he pleased.
“He travelled a lot for work. He never had to worry about the kid’s education.
“He never had to worry about driving them to events. He never had to worry about taking them to doctor’s appointments.
“He just got to live his ideal life knowing that he had a wife at home that was taking care of everything.”
Over the years she wanted to go back to school or take on part-time jobs, but her husband wouldn’t allow it.
HE DRAINED ALL OUR ACCOUNTS
“He would remind me that I was uneducated and unqualified. And he would tell me, you would be lucky if you could get a part time job at a fast food restaurant.
“He got to mould me and shape me into the woman that he wanted.”
When they got divorced she had very little work experience and no money of her own.
When he realised that I was seriously leaving, that our marriage was seriously ending he drained all of our accounts
Former tradwife
“I am now almost 42 years old and the only retirement that I have is the portion of his that I was awarded in the divorce.
“And that’s really scary knowing how hard it will be for me to catch up. I wish I had an account in my own name.
“When he realised that I was seriously leaving, that our marriage was seriously ending he drained all of our accounts.
“If I had a separate checking account or if we worked as a team in partnership to pay different bills that would have made a huge difference,” she says.
But being on the other side of the tradwife life is empowering.
“One of the best things for me being single now is that nobody is looking over my shoulder when I come home with a Target bag. No one is questioning the Amazon boxes on the front porch,” she says.
“I can’t stress enough how freeing it is to have that ownership.”
A tradwife is very different from what we often refer to as a stay-at-home-mum, or the primary parent who works inside the home caring for the children.
The key difference is the submission and lack of agency. The tradwife life is about allowing a man to control everything about your life.
“It just sucks to be on the other end,” Enitza told me.
“I would love to see those women on the other end in a few years.
“I’ve been divorced for going on five years and that milestone just feels so good to me.”
Jo Piazza is the bestselling author of the new novel The Sicilian Inheritance. She is also the award winning journalist behind the podcast Under the Influence where she dissects the world of social media.
