My husband lives 500 miles away – people think it’s strange but it’s perfect, we just have to be organised

LONG-DISTANCE love isn’t hard for Christina Metzger.

Christina, 62, explains why dividing her time between England and Germany is the recipe for relationship success.

Clutching my boarding pass, I kiss Thomas goodbye. Our romantic weekend together has come to an end, and I have to head 500 miles home – alone.

But Thomas, 61, isn’t a holiday fling or someone I’m dating  – we’ve been happily married for seven years and have a perfect relationship.

Our secret? We live 500 miles – and two countries – apart.

I first met Thomas in a club in Benidorm in August 1981.

Aged 20, I wasn’t looking for love when I booked a week of fun in the sun with my friend Jackie.

But when I found myself dancing with this gorgeous guy, who was tall, tanned and had a lovely smile, I couldn’t deny the chemistry between us.

Thomas, then 19, lived in Germany and was handsome, funny and kind. From that first dance we were inseparable, spending the rest of the holiday together.

Saying goodbye was awful, as I’d really fallen for him.

I lived with my parents in Loughton, Essex, and he was in Mannheim, a city in the south-west of Germany. 

There was no WhatsApp or Zoom back then, and international calls were expensive, so we stayed in touch via letters, which took about a fortnight to arrive.

But we persevered, because we felt there was something special between us. Family and friends thought it was very sweet.

When Thomas invited me to visit him for a week that October, I jumped at the chance.

I met his parents and we took romantic sightseeing trips – it was magical. We were in love.

However, Thomas was about to start mandatory military service, so couldn’t leave Germany.

I was too scared to move abroad – I couldn’t speak the language and didn’t know anyone there.

Heartbroken, we agreed to be just friends. Our letters continued regularly, sharing details about our lives, including if we were dating.

There was always a pang of “what might have been?”, but I was happy for him. 

In 1985, I married and had my first daughter, Nicole, now 38.

Then, in 1990, as both our lives got busier, the letters between us became more sporadic. Finally, they stopped, although I never forgot Thomas.

My heart was pounding and I felt like a teenager

Christina Metzger

When my marriage ended in 1994, I thought about Thomas again. Had he ever married or had children?

Writing to him was impossible, as I had no idea where he lived by then, so I put him out of my mind. 

That was until May 2012, when I joined Facebook. I found myself typing in Thomas’ name, and there he was. I was so excited to see his face after so long.

Without hesitating, I sent him a friend request. A week later, he accepted and sent a message.

“Wow, you found me,” he wrote. “I’ve been searching for you since 2006 when I divorced…”

That’s when the butterflies hit. My heart was pounding and I felt like a teenager.

The messages continued between us as we shared stories of our lives.

Like me, he’d been married and divorced, and we had five children and one grandchild between us.

I sensed Thomas was the same kind man I’d fallen in love with three decades earlier.

In August, after three months of messaging, I asked if he wanted to meet up.

He agreed and suggested I fly to Germany. Booking my ticket and hotel, I felt giddy. 

Mum, tell him how you feel

Christina's daughter Nicole

As my plane landed, my mind was whirring. What was I doing?

Suddenly, I saw him waiting for me at arrivals. He kissed me on both cheeks. It was wonderful to see him.

The trip was lovely. We talked about our lives and visited the sights we’d seen together years before.

He’d even held on to my old letters, and reading them was amazing.

We kept the trip strictly in the friend zone, but I couldn’t stop wondering if we could be more than that.

Back home, I was at a family barbecue when it hit me – I was heartbroken.

My daughter Nicole saw I was acting strangely and asked me what was going on.

Expecting her to tell me to not be so silly, I explained about Thomas and my trip. “Mum,” she said, “tell him how you feel.” 

That evening, I nervously messaged him on Facebook and did exactly that.

I was thrilled when he said he felt the same. We both wanted to give a relationship a go. 

But we had families, jobs and lives we loved in our own countries. So we hatched a plan: using low-cost airlines, I’d fly to him one weekend, he’d fly to me the next and then we’d have a weekend apart.

My family was supportive and thought it was a great plan.

I quickly realised I was getting the best of both worlds

Christina Metzger

We had no idea how it would go, but from the start it worked brilliantly.

I ran my own financial services business and was a hands-on grandmother.

Between that and my hobbies, my life was busy and fulfilling.

In our daily phone calls and messages, I’d share everything with Thomas, and he’d tell me about his work as a civil servant and what he’d been up to with his grandchildren. 

We texted each morning and evening, and video-chatted every Saturday and Sunday morning when we weren’t together.

I quickly realised I was getting the best of both worlds – all the independence to live the life I wanted, and a happy, stable relationship with a man I loved. 

If we did argue, it was resolved quickly, and we prioritised each other and the time we had together. Being apart meant we never took each other for granted. 

Having the chance to miss Thomas made it all the more exciting when I walked through the arrivals gate and he was there to meet me.

It felt like I had two homes. I moved clothes into his house, and he did the same, which made our visits even easier. 

It was wonderful to get to know Thomas’ family and for him to meet mine. Everyone was supportive, and they trusted us to make our own decisions on how we lived our lives.

In September 2015, on a trip to Venice, Thomas proposed. It might sound strange to organise a wedding and make no plans to live together, but to us that was just normal. 

After we married in June 2017 in front of friends and family, and took our honeymoon in the mountains of Salzburg, we returned to our own countries. We were newlyweds living 500 miles apart. 

We’ve now been happily married – and living in two different countries – for seven years.

It hasn’t always been easy. Covid was simply horrendous, as during the whole of 2020, we saw one another just four times. 

We’ve always trusted each other and had excellent communication.

We have to be organised, though. There are the flights to book, which are around £50 return, and airport parking at £70 a time.

But now flying feels as normal as catching a bus.

I know it’s strange to others. How can I live so far from my husband?

But I’ve lost count of the number of women who’ve said our set-up sounds perfect. 

Maybe one day we’ll live together, but who knows, we may stay as we are.

For now, I have my own life and a husband I love. It’s everything I could possibly want. 

Long distance relationship facts

eHarmony shared the pros and cons of a long distance relationship.

Benefits of a long distance relationship:

• They force you to learn to be patient and trusting 
• They give you space for the rest of your life 
• They let you appreciate your time together 
• They’re an excuse to travel 
• They encourage you to look at your relationship with clear eyes 

Common problems in long distance relationships:

• The expense 
• The lack of physical intimacy 
• The jealousy and the insecurity 
• The communication gap