I cannot handle family life any more and am fantasising about going back to my independent lifestyle
DEAR DEIDRE: ALTHOUGH I love my wife and children, I cannot handle family life any more.
I’m 39 and my wife is 38. We’ve been together for nine years and have two beautiful children, aged eight and five.
But over the past few months I’ve been fantasising about moving out, finding my own place, and going back to the independent lifestyle I so enjoyed before we met.
Back then, I used to travel the world and loved the freedom it brought.
I was independent and adored exploring far-flung countries.
It all seems like a lifetime ago and I miss it so much.
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I’ve dreamed about having the children on weekends while spending the week doing my own thing.
At the same time, I don’t want to give up my children or my partner.
One of the main problems is that so much of our life revolves around my wife’s family. All our spare time is spent with them.
It drives me mad and my wife knows how draining I find it. But in reality the longer we’ve been together, the worse the issue has become.
I’m spending my days wishing my children were older so I could have my old life back. I feel so guilty about thinking like this.
How can I have my freedom and also have my family?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: This is a very difficult situation and it’s important you don’t do something you will regret.
It’s evident there’s a void in your life that needs filling. Do you have your own interests that you are able to spend time on?
It’s a massive adjustment becoming a parent and devoting all your time to your family, but if you can develop your own passions this will help you feel more fulfilled.
Talk to your wife and explain you need more balance. Tell her that spending all your free time with her family is making you feel frustrated. Can you suggest limiting your get- togethers with them to one day a weekend, or every other weekend to give you all more time to yourselves.
Could you plan a big trip abroad with your children? Sharing new adventures with your own kids can be really magical.
But most importantly, you do need to talk to your wife about your feelings. My support pack Standing Up for Yourself can help you get the message across to her.