I'm a single mom and have tons of support from my family. It's still lonely.

• I got pregnant and the father didn't want to be in my child's life so I've raised her alone. 
• My family helped me a lot, and I always had someone to leave her with. 
• I feel lonely, but I don't know if having a partner would make things better. 

I have always loved being alone. I was an only child until I was a teenager and understood how to entertain myself. I am an accountant, in which most of my work is done in solitude.

I lived by myself for many years until I became pregnant, and the father did not want to be involved. It was that moment when being alone turned into loneliness.

During my pregnancy, I wondered what it would be like to have someone sing to my belly and to roll me out of bed. At the same time, I understood my choice to be a mother alone. I felt it was better to be a single mother than to force a man who didn't want a child. I just didn't understand how deeply sad and depressed that decision would make me. I was not aware of the emotional needs I would have as a mother.

My family helped a lot, but something was missing

The day of my daughter's birth strong women surrounded me: my mother, my aunt, and my best friend. My doctor was a tall, strong woman. It wasn't until the next day when the nurse asked me if I was sure about not putting a father's name on the birth certificate, that I started to feel something truly missing.

The desire to share my life romantically with someone came on slowly. In my 20s, I never wanted to get married, but in my 30s, as a single mother, that thought shifted. I have always been proud of my strong independence, but motherhood humbled me.

My family helped me a lot. There was always someone I could leave my daughter with while I went grocery shopping, but I still did that task alone. My friends were all married, and I could talk about motherhood with them, but I didn't dare bring up the loneliness. It was something I couldn't fully admit to myself or out loud. I wanted to be strong and needed to keep myself together for the sake of my daughter. I worried that if I opened the floodgates of my sadness, they'd never close.

The loneliness deepened with each passing year. My daughter began to realize something was missing in her life too. I tried to avoid reading books featuring dads, but those books were everywhere. When she was able to voice her thoughts and ask when she would have a dad, I didn't have an answer to that question.

I don't know if a partner would cure my loneliness

Friends try to offer suggestions either based on their own divorced lives or on their divorced friends. I live in a small town with a population of under 4,000, and the closest city is two hours away, limiting my options for gyms, bars, coffee shops, and public spaces. I have tried dating apps but have never been successful. I also have my daughter 100% of the time. I don't have every other weekend where my kid is with her other parent like other divorced mothers I know.

I am not sure if a partner would cure my loneliness or actually be a good listener, an active co-parent, and helpful at home. I couldn't guarantee to find a spouse who bathed my daughter, cooked dinner, and even raked the leaves occasionally. I focus my attention on something I can control, like paying off my student loans, writing a book, and having fun with my daughter every chance I get, assuring her that one parent can be enough.

That all I can be each day is enough.

Ashley Espinoza is a writer living in Colorado. She is currently working on a memoir about growing up with a teen mom and becoming a single mother herself.